Except, I’m conditioned to stretch beyond
From what I’ve learnt so far, is that, to exit this funny Desire Complex, I first have to approach the issue with a little bit of simplicity in mind (not too much because it turns complicated). Then, allow a simple see-and-react motion to do its thing. Untangle and strip away the bad habits.
For instance, I would see this entire structure unravel, including any potential swing-back from a forceful AGAINST-IDEA suppressing my conditioned-desires. Because whenever I aggressively counter and demand a NO to my usual meal, this loads up another surprise, where I usually give in to a greater desire to make up for the loss of sensation. Again, what more can I say? Other than my habits LOVE TO RULE and will always get paid, either above or below the surface! Then finally, from within this deep observation of what is occurring, is the opportunity to react simply; naturally, on auto-pilot.
Powered by new insight, rather than these controlling thoughts that processed on every other occasion, I detect and let go of hindrances far more effectively. I see my desires always running around upstairs, exceeding their weight, and I gift myself a subtle release instead.
Compartmentalising My Old Desires
Earlier, however, when I was lost and tried to fix my potent desires (ideas of mass exploitation and world domination etc.), I looked at a whole range of information from my peers (both the dead and living). ‘Control’ is what nearly all of them said, which, in the one sense, is obvious. They offered proven programs that worked by polarising/stabilising each urge and response. And, all I had to do, was, follow, to achieve this better-desired outcome for my out-of-control desires.
In other words, I had to knock’em into place.
At first, I thought, if I really want freedom from my uglier desires, I’d have to force new thoughts into play while ignoring contradicting urges. That’s if I am to get the job done hard and fast. But behind that suppressive idea or countermeasure showing up as Balance on the ‘Good’ Set of Books only, was just another hidden desire, in a workaround. And I’d only fooled myself into thinking otherwise because the ugly one was still there, lurking.
Ideally, I wanted everyone to think I’d changed my ways by using a fresh and more appropriate set of replacements to fill in. Except the truth was, I didn’t want to lose the sensations from the old, as I was an old-addict simply trying to blend in. I wanted my desires to become better or more socially refined in appearances so I could satisfy everyone else while continuing to exploit the usual fuels below (my exploitation on the low).
Whether it’s the physical or mental world, supply always meets demand!