Like everyone, I’m a creature of habit. My programs are made of past/acquired influences that embed or ingrains into my psychological conditioning. To this day, I continue to latch onto various stimuli and my attention shifts between each state or aspect as I regularly feel the appeal quality fluctuate.
By the time I reach a high, I bounce back. Or soon after, I hit a band of resistance/repulsion in my general fear of things on the opposite — the undesirable state or aspect.
Also, in terms of days — today, yesterday, and tomorrow, these widely used synchronised linear programs all work the same. They are up and down voices in my head.
I live life circulating thru several habits based on the products and byproducts coming out of my desires.
As I glimpse back at my old track record with far greater energy than in previous years, it says it all. I more than thrived off psychological stimuli (theatrics/dramas), let alone all the physical fruits or goodies that I’d regularly add on top (my boosters).
But now, and for the first time, I’m aware of my cravings that jump up fast. I notice how easy it is to allow myself to keep running an open bar on these invisible mindly wonders (and also the visible ones — physical stimulants). Yet, I drop the bulk of it, so I don’t get as stung by the opposite. Like, always, before.
More, More & MORE Sensation
Having said that, I also no longer fiercely FORCE against my desires either, since learning of the full spectrum of effects that come with the poles.
Or I’m now more conscious of responding in BOTH ways, in the pushing away and in my pulling in of whatever it is inside my desires.
I’m not too demanding, nor suppressive, which is where I’ve found things looped and caused tension.
I.e. Too much suppression created a stronger demand, and I led a double life by conceding on the low — I eventually over-indulged. In turn, this withered away my space and I’d suppress again, to compensate the situation. So the whole damn thing sent me loopy!
I infinitely looped between desirable & undesirable episodes!
So I thank God for the middle ground I’m at today. Plus I think of myself as somewhat of a Bipolar Expert who clearly shows that the counterforce also carries a cost.
When it came to feeding my inner devil over the last few years, he went on a smaller portion, rather than I cut him off completely. My success only arrived by understanding these annoying opposites and working thru the BOTH of them.
Not deny one side, the undesirable, and expect the other, a desire with an open tab (without consequence).