The Will Complex

Do you remember repeating the following over and over to family, friends and peers?

Hey, I’ve got the BEST idea ever, and I’m gonna make it happen!

Well, I do, like yesterday.

Yet it didn’t matter what fruit I picked out of the bowl that day week or month as it always tasted great. And to the point, I had convinced myself that this particular ideal (apple/pear/banana) was the absolute one. While perhaps convincing others of the same notion too.

However, the boost or surge didn’t last long, regardless of whatever it was I bit on and held high to show you!

It’s All a Matter of Time

Whether my willed-idea meant a long term job with tedious steps for my reward or a small one-off domestic task to avoid a problem, neither mattered. I’d always end up with the same annoying interference in the -middle- called Time.

Willpower + Time created a murky and dense  thought-provoking/consuming interval  between the ‘what is’ reality AND the ‘what should be’ non-reality that was far away. It was a place I was always UP and DOWN right before the job or task that required my attention.

I’d spent so much life speculating over ways I could close this gap between the ‘thinking’, ‘acting’, and finally wrap it up at the ‘acted’ as my willpower completes its job and I happily cash in. So I needed to find a way to bypass the annoying time interval altogether (and often, the job) to get to my reward at the ‘what should be’ end. Hence, I’d end up giving myself more time in the process from all the over-thinking! Or I felt time significantly more. 🤦‍♂️

As usual, my habits are brilliant at finding any excuse possible to maintain their position, and I’d only add more thought into the process, increasing my perception of time. I’d add more tunnel into the way of my light while under the impression I’m knocking down walls to get there sooner, funnily enough.

The Longer Detour in a Short Run 😕

Do you see how annoying this is?

Surely everyone’s had a good taste at some point or still is? I add unnecessary thinking into the equation by massively converting my mental rewards early. I theoretically eliminate the gap between the ‘thinking’ and ‘acted’ and head straight to the bank!

It’s ludicrous, but standard! By habit, I respond to a challenge by inflating it, thinking that a good thing is underway instead. I automatically speculate for MORE PUSH because ‘I think’ I need the extra help to get the job done.

Except, the reality is, these positive thoughts also burn up my energy, thereby, encouraging objective background chatter to intervene  when the time to act gets near. 

I’ve already spent my reward, so now I’m weaker. Alarm bells ring which means I tense up.

Time Is Closing In

Holding off time
Help, I need another excuse asap!

So not only does a variety of chatter throw me off from the very start of my idea, the inception period, but pressures intensify as I get super close to the acting, if not during. My busy state of mind significantly compresses the perception time, making events feel even longer than what they already are. I.e. Life is now murkier!

Next, with a well-fed or fuelled up sense of resistance running the show upstairs, whether I like it or not, I want nothing more but to get the job done AND run away from it, simultaneously.

Help, I’m in conflict again. I got too much choice running around!

I’m nearing the point to where I’m about to disturb my comfortable patterns by abruptly changing my behaviour, or I’m already strenuously running the job because I spent my reward early. Now additional thoughts bombard/intervene to try and pull me out.

In desperation, I look for a new source of mental value in another carrot (on a stick) since the last scene had just worn off!

I.e. I go into another idea, fruit or sweet vege, to compensate.

Early Inflation

I do like the idea of Willpower-by-Appeal; it’s inviting. But always only at arm’s length, away from the ACTUAL LEG WORK. Besides, it’s far too easy to fall blindly in love and bypass the job altogether, as I’d hop skip and jump straight onto a cheque without ever lifting a finger. Now that’s what I call; Tasty Speculation!

Let me run it past again

I inflate my challenge as I engage in background chatter that carries on about why I should and shouldn’t be doing this and that, etc., converting any related rewards and failures in advance.

All my debating does is delay/disrupt any potential outbound activity. I strengthen an internal problem, a felt-only (not-seen one) that keeps me from moving in the real world. Except, it’s now seen.

Ah, so that’s why he’s lazy… He’s running marathons upstairs!

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