Channelling My Attention (3): Willpower

From scratch, I always had trouble channelling my willpower efficiently. However, today, I feel I’ve finally grown alongside this player in the sense that, it is now needed far less than ever. For once, I’m not gripping on as tight or forcing things in place, as I used to all the time.

While in a previous habit, not only was it involved, it was forever jammed in my face by both myself AND others.

I need willpower to do this and that! And. Lee, use your willpower and get it done! Etc.
Willpower
Mental Might!

The Push

When I use willpower in the traditional sense, I force my behaviour along a particular line using increased pressures from behind my ideas. Otherwise, without this, I might end up doing a sloppy job or could quickly turn away.

But as you may be aware by now, traditions aren’t my strongest point. And evidently, these undesired outcomes were almost always guaranteed, no matter what way I used my will. Which, brings me over to a new approach on the issue, with, the less of it (-will), the better. Especially when dealing with an odd type of mind that cannot get things right from the start. A weaker mind I once harboured.

Now let’s say I need the willpower to complete a task ahead. Then, why do I continue to burden myself with this function I’d recently work out comes standard with Heavy Related Background?

Where, in the case of  a juicy reward,  a build-up of persuasive mind chatter at the beginning (or a pro-force) eventually drew in objecting or resistful thoughts (an against-force) soon after. Which, IN TOTAL, runs a higher activity on the inside only, while any potential forward movement in the real world suffered as a result.

You see, when driven by a reward and not punishment, I’d feel the appeal dominate only in the beginning, or when at a distance from the actual task. But as usual, things wouldn’t stay this way for long, and resistance soon took over as time closed in.

Top

Fizzling out

Will-by-Appeal

Here are the two main reasons for resisting an activity when powered by Will-by-Appeal as the object or task came closer to my reality:

1) Energy deprivation from either physical or psychological exhaustion.

And 2) The fact that my theoretical movements weren’t ingrained into the outer world yet. They weren’t set in.

1) Either, I was too tired, in a bad mood, or the prospect felt heavier than usual in an energy-related matter, from condensed thinking. And also, that there was a good chance that my exhaustion came from premature positivity. Or when I delve into the reward early and in a sense, get hungover.

While, on the other hand, 2) the activity was foreign. The move went against the grain to my habits, which then sparked hesitation and more conflict. And I’d way up the odds to see if it was even worthy for me to partake in or continue. I.e. My energy is taken by second-guessing myself, reevaluating things, etc.

Whether for reasons of pleasure-seeking or in my attempt to avoid fear, yet again (Will-by-Fear, the other of the two motivators), I’d try my best to follow these directives that were pushing towards an objective.

By using an effort to align the physical to meet with the mental roadmap laid out (which is ‘will’ in a nutshell), I was under the impression that this was the only logical thing to do, and I had to see it thru. So from the idea, powered up, by, ‘my will’, an aggressive/highly-combustible force, I’d reach thru my inside world to get to a TREAT on the outside. Or at least, this was my everyday attempt.

Carrot reward
So close, yet, so far away…

Previous | Home | Top | Next: Channelling My Attention (3b): The Will of a Young Boy