As the ball of life rolled faster, and a second nature grew, I increasingly rationalised my out-of-bounds behaviour. I shaped a massive multiple sense of normal into my being, which wasn’t normal at all! This setting allowed me to switch lightyears over and expand on the versions, at will. But always only for so long.
During my peak, I formed into a delinquent organisation in a 90-10 split (and that’s being generous!). I toggled between a number of seriously-abnormal-editions and 1.0, holding only a very few DISPLAY ITEMS out the front to keep my shop alive. So for a short part of my life (which also felt the longest), I lived in extreme fluctuation AND total contradiction, until something had to give.
Had I of known of any bigger consequences to come from these smaller acceptances I embarked on, I sure as hell would have spat most of it out if not all. However, it was only later when I’d realise; it takes just a sample introduction for chemicals to make its mark or for the taste to set in. Which, inevitably, drew me in for more.
Load Me Up!
Back then, I was always told that this thing or aspect was no good for me, so don’t get caught up! But for whatever reasons, that never stopped me in my tracks. Because the next time I found myself in the same or similar situation, near something I shouldn’t have been around, I kept thinking on and on and on. Until finally one day, my arm extended and I’d quietly pick a small piece of the fruit from off the tree.
Recently, I learnt that my gradual involvement in naughty things was only allowed because I could justify the new intake from another version of me growing strong on the low.
I swear it wasn’t me, your honour. There was a big bad storm brewing that decade!
Whether these informal or off-the-book introductions touched years, months, weeks or only days prior, it didn’t matter. Why? Because my new tastier fuels fermented out the back. I savoured in a delightful reaction to my environment that was ALWAYS MEANT TO BE!
So It’s Only a Matter of Time?
Yes, 100%. MORE TIME was the only missing ingredient needed for the floodgates to eventually open and allow the rest of honey to pour down.
More time to think and rationalise.
Which, basically meant for my long run…
Not long till the crazy kicks in. Prepare to meet, Mr Zombie 🧟♂️