Today, I say with confidence
I’m now no longer ruled as much by my taste-buds since learning more of this pleasure business (& BUSYness)
But little did I know previously of the trap I’d fall into from a needy mind always wanting more sensation. Always wanting to maintain or change back to its desired state.
Unquestionably, I lacked in discipline and wouldn’t end my hunt for repeat stimulation as crucial space wasn’t understood properly; there was little help on replenishing my system. Instead, I dedicated my life as a full-time speculator, squeezing my thoughts hard for a taste I couldn’t get elsewhere. Oh, except for the physical sweets, I’d also make a mess in. 😯
Yeah, I took in harsh chemicals, delving into dangerous synthetics as an almost perfect escape from a reality I couldn’t find my place in. Through a combination, I latched onto a temporary peace that was difficult to pull out of, simply because I didn’t want to; she was my one and only. I guess I was destined from the beginning to experience life as a Zombie since allowing idiotic ideas to settle in. Or since letting the power from unrealistic goals hover too close in front.
What I needed was either MORE stick or LESS carrot!
How Did Things Get so South?
As I said, I had no place in this world, no solid base to move from. So naturally, I’d always try to jump straight to the top of everything that appeared easy (take life’s elevator instead of the staircase) and make it mine for good. I wanted to secure my existence with free unlimited energy, like everyone else who gets caught up.
Except, the issue was, each attempt at conquest was too untamed and never held any potential to succeed. Let alone, could I ever get a handle on. Unfortunately, I always had this hassle of bouncing to and from severely opposing states. I was unable to control the sharp change of scenery as law required the utmost annoying contrast from the field I wanted to soak in forever!
The idea was, I was to have my cake and eat it too. But reality kept taking it back. 🍰☝ 😠