Once upon a time when I was severely fragmented, I’d see myself as a whole, strangely. But now that I’m only moderately fragmented (when compared), I feel somewhat divided. 🙄
Lands of Problems & Escapes
I’ve been playing a part or the part my whole life and know no other way. Except nowadays, I consider myself aware of the fractures that have torn me into M A N Y. I’m aware of my state of mind as my attention frequently shifts towards another mode of thinking in a different zone.
When I have a problem or see a challenge and fail to resolve/address it, which could be any relationship breakdown or complication left unfixed, including a program overload or byproduct, I escape one fragment by moving and annexing straight into and under another.
In a well-crafted lifetime pattern, my attention always finds a convenient way to flee the pressure from the seized cogs in one dense zone and manages to settle into an area with far less immediate disruption. But, I do this ignorantly or by avoiding the actual cause that initially threw things out.
Rather than I face the challenge dealt by my big bad world, I’d instead, say, ‘let’s do this later’ while journeying off into another land using my secretly mapped out escape.
By AGAIN exploiting my mind for another set of overriding pleasantries to roll in from discreetly refining (my habit to wander off into positive imagination), the captivation I feel forms the shield I need. Also, this short term getaway often plays tricks and dresses up as the RESOLUTION, satisfying my insecurities for now.
In my sanctuary, I happily extend my stay for as long as possible, navigating into other closely related systems of fruitful thought. I drift further into the daze until my ticket expires and that dreadful reality comes back.