Except the reality is I’m conditioned to stretch beyond this point.
From what I’ve learnt so far, in order to exit the exhaustive Desire Complex, I first have to approach the issue with just the right amount of simplicity in mind (not too much, otherwise it turns complicated). Then, I allow a simple see-and-react motion to do its thing, untangle and strip away the costly habits.
For instance, I would see this entire structure unravel, including any potential swing-back from a forceful counter-desire idea that tries to suppress my conditioned-desires. Because, whenever I fiercely oppose a strong impulse by trying to change my ways, I find that this loads up another surprise just ahead where I usually give in to a greater desire to make up for the loss of sensation.
Again, what more can be said? Other than, my habits LOVE to rule and will always get paid, either in front of people or when I’m on my own.
Finally, from within this deep observation of what is occurring, there is my opportunity to react simply by allowing only a portion of the old ways through. Naturally, on auto-pilot, I aim not at interrupting my desires, but more on tapering them down and not beating myself up over feelings of guilt and loss that have basis in the real world.
Powered by new insight, rather than these controlling thoughts that processed on every other occasion, I detect and let go of hindrances far more effectively. I see my desires always running around upstairs exceeding their weight, and I gift myself a subtle release instead.
Compartmentalising My Old Desires
Earlier, when I was lost and tried to fix my potent desires (ideas of mass exploitation, world domination, etc.), I looked at a whole range of information from my peers (both the dead and living). ‘Control’ is what nearly all of them said. Which, in a way, makes sense. They offered proven programs that worked by stabilising each urge and response with replacement desires that were more acceptable. And all I had to do was to follow them if I was to achieve a better-desired outcome over my current unhealthier desires.
In other words, I had to re-envision the objects and symbols of my desire, and further hope that my brain chemistry accepted the change.
At first, I thought if I really want freedom from my old desires, I have to force new thoughts into play while ignoring contradicting urges. That’s if I want the job done hard and fast. But behind that suppressive idea or countermeasure showing up as balance on the ‘Good’ set of books only, was just another hidden desire in a workaround. Instead, I’d only fooled myself into thinking otherwise because the unhealthier ones were still there lurking.
Ideally, I wanted everyone to think I had changed my ways by using a fresh and more appropriate set of replacements to fill in. Except the truth was, I didn’t want to lose the sensations from the old desires, as I was a desire addict simply trying to blend in. I wanted my desires to become better or more socially refined in appearances, so I could satisfy everyone else while continuing to exploit the usual fuels below the surface.
Whether it is the physical or mental world, supply always meets demand because the same rules apply.