My fears generally start from either a relationship breakdown or challenge, which includes a lack of quality information and understanding on certain things. Or it may also start from a sudden surprise that creates more residue to echo new problems on.
Because I have involved myself in fear throughout life (as do many), I now aim to avoid a repeat by using whatever means necessary to get it all sorted once and for all. That is, I am thoroughly learning about the ‘fear system’. Though up until now, I relied heavily on my habit to escape short term rather than resolve long term.
Here’s how fear rolls…
From an original bumpy experience that left a negative impression along with the immense magnetism I also feel as ‘gravity’, when I see another closely related encounter ahead, I naturally project on possibilities and probabilities at a much faster rate. I run through many scenarios to try and work my way thru the in-my-face obstacle, but I end up going around the hotspot so we don’t have to meet on this occasion! Or on the next, or the next…
Even at the beginning of a fearful instance when I think I’m about to sincerely fix the issue, i.e., in my plea for a ‘wholesome resolution’, as pressures mount, that idea goes out the window. Desperation changes my tune and I postpone the unattainable quest for a ‘long-term, non-fearful state’. Instead, I stabilise my mental pains with a ‘short term hit of comfort foods and spacious thoughts’, which is how my fears live-on.
As usual, they only go dormant for a moment or two and soon flare back up.
The Negative Field Reactivation
In my mind, when I again face images, shapes, objects, colours or any mix of symbols and sounds that were involved during the initial fearful experience or recording, I feel it in my gut and automatically explore for formulas to make it go away. But unfortunately, once I hit a certain level or a compressed state, I’ll run with anything that will cut it short. I’ll go with anything that will help me stay at a distance from pressure. Only then, will I sanely figure it out once and for all. But in reality, I never do.
Today, I realise that if I don’t deal with fear directly, I leave background processes open 24/7 drawing on my energy. And with the garage already full of junk as years of multiple threads stack-up, this heavy idling seriously weighs me down!
This is How a Dormant Fear Comes Back to Life
If a symbol or sound pops up that even remotely corresponds with any of my backlog of fears, then the entire thread awakens its family of thoughts and becomes an extensive foreground process. My weakened psyche now demands greater resources, which is why I wriggle out.
The accumulated weight from my many previous escapes took away my natural/neutral ground. It is the only place I can firmly move from.