Today, I say with confidence…
I’m no longer ruled by my taste-buds as much since learning more of this pleasure business & busyness
But little did I know previously of the trap I’d fall into from a needy mind always wanting more sensation. It would always want to change back and maintain its desired state.
Unquestionably, I lacked discipline and wouldn’t end my hunt for repeat stimulation as crucial psychological space wasn’t understood properly. I didn’t know of the finer specs involved in ‘contrasting my thoughts’ to help replenish my psychological system. Instead, I dedicated my life as a full-time speculator, squeezing my thoughts hard for a taste I couldn’t get elsewhere. Well… Except for the physical sweets that I would also make a mess in.
Yeah, I took in harsh chemicals, delving into dangerous synthetics as an almost perfect escape from a reality I couldn’t find my place in. Through a combination, I latched onto a temporary peace that was difficult to pull myself out of simply because I didn’t want to as she was my one and only. I guess I was destined from the beginning to experience life as a Zombie since allowing these idiotic ideas to settle in. Or since letting the power of unrealistic goals hover too close in front.
What I needed was either MORE stick or definitely LESS carrot!
How Did Things Get So South?
As I said, I had no place in this world, no solid base which would have allowed me to move forward. So naturally, I’d always try jumping straight to the top of everything that appeared easy (take life’s elevator instead of the staircase) making it mine for good. I wanted to secure my existence with free unlimited energy like everyone else who gets caught up there.
Except the issue was, each attempt at conquest was too untamed and never held any potential to succeed. Unfortunately, I always had a hassle of bouncing to and from severely opposing states. I was unable to control the changes of scenery and kept getting pulled away from the field I wanted to absorb forever!
The idea was, I was to have my cake and eat it too. But reality kept taking it back. 🍰☝ 😒