I could explain the many segments, clusters and zones I live in with each landlord justifying their existence upon my visit. But I won’t because it’ll take too long. Instead, to keep things simple, I’ll stick with unravelling the two categories from the poles.
My narrator can be stubborn and emotional at times, so for now, I’ll step away from him as much as I can. Instead, I’ll only report on the distinct negative and positive fluctuations that are miles apart. Yet are also closer than I think as I can jump from one mood to the next, and enter a new scene.
First, are my heavier fragments, and these contain higher than usual pressures and stress. As psychological comfort space retreats from a previous escape and I’m left too close to my problem/challenge again, or if something from the outside pounced in by surprise, my thinking goes into overdrive and things heat up fast.
But as usual, rather than deal with my issues by staying in contact, I’m conditioned to re-escape shortly after and worry about them later. I bank on my ‘ignorance’ instead.
The ‘Later Loop’ Explained
Only after intense crawling thru the mind-mud where time feels amplified and longer than usual, am I able to make my way over to shelter nestled on the other end, aka the Lighter Fragment Oasis. In my recycled relief, I added another cosy layer of Prime Real Estate Space around my centre to feel relaxed — less constricted.
Retreating to a lite zone relievingly offers shielding from the harsher internal reality, or perceived painful world. And even though the loop is always only ever short-lived since I’d travel multiple times an hour, if not minutes at one shaky stage, I’m just happy that for right now, I’m chilled. I’m moving freely without the perception of excess weight holding me down.
Whatever it was, I’ll deal with it later as I substitute my ugly scene with something else.
So without ever digging deeper into my issue and discovering a strong enough reason to reduce my overall stay in a sanctuary that served me so instantly and momentarily over the years (my lighter fragment frequent stopover), I’d still be there alongside the pool. I would return when given a chance!
Luckily, however, I found a rock-solid reason by uncovering the bigger bite behind ‘short term’.
Short term frequent stayovers locked me into a high interest repayment scheme. 😞