An Earlier Distortion

Now I didn’t just catch a cold from those around me when I was young, nor was I the perfect sponge every parent hoped for, absorbing the good stuff only.

As I’ve mentioned from the start, I also caught a line of ignorance off the upline and sidelines, a force to be reckoned with because most won’t see it in themselves (the reality; we all get a good dose!). Over time, my parents, elders, family, extended family, semi-outsiders and borderliners, teachers, friends and acquaintances, they all gave me a decent serving of both good AND challenging in terms of how to live a life.

Naturally, my ears and eyes soon became accustomed to filtering out these silly little things called facts, and I’d stay with the good-old comfortable set ways instead. It was the routine that kept on living, not me.

I can’t say that there were any new facts born since factual grounding knowledge had always been, and my visor was merely an extension of me. These influences, I am now truly grateful for because I understand that the good comes with the bumpy and that’s how we grow (not that I wanted to, but I HAD to!). However, for some reason, the bad gripped into or onto me and then BECAME me! I strayed down this funny path on the Darkside.

Escalating peaks in new feelings and sensation in my everyday reality, coupled with other factors, led to a bizarre lifestyle, and I started to live super-selfishly ignoring many important things. πŸ‘Ί

A Bizarre Lifestyle

Here are some earlier ideas (now obsolete) that nudged me away from nature. I thought they were all solid, but I took in ‘belief’ instead.

Keep in mind… As a Highly Sensitive Mind beholder, I react differently to others when it comes to foods, heavier metals and refinements in my environment. I get carried away much easier.

Conjecture:

  • I must eat both meat and eggs while also drinking dairy to get my nutrients
  • Chlorine and fluoride in my water keeps me safe and healthy
  • Processed food is reliable
  • I need iodised salt to maintain healthy thyroid glands
  • When I feel sick, see a doctor and take whatever he gives you without question because he knows best.
  • Happiness is just ahead.
  • Success is about money, drugs and bitches (a sweet signal from the empire naturally hitting in my teenage years).

Overall, sure, I understand that there’s not much in these. But for me, personally, they stirred the pot and weren’t meant for my system long term. For most others, you guys can easily handle the list from start to finish. I see it all the time.

But in my world, I started rationalising heavier and sillier ideas: i.e., jump 10-15 years and…

It’s ok to take 10 Xanax a day. Or it’s ok to eat 50 Eccy’s over a long weekend along with a few other treats in between and follow it with a box of sleepers to get the 1up on the comedown.

Yes, my mates and I were wild and stupid back in the day.

One weekend, a mate and I started with a bag of 100 extasy tabs and we didn’t stop until we emptied it. We would low-ball the much bigger bags of each week’s rollout because hardly anyone counted thru the thousands of pills until it reached the street level. Stuff kept coming in, so we kept pushing the limits.

In my mid to late 20s, I ran an underground pharmacy, acting as a hidden doctor for the darker community (which included professionals). It was reasonably managed at the beginning but only until I started getting high off my own supply. Despite the fact that I have paid for it in ways, I still don’t know how I made it this far back!

How did we not die, Universe?? Something watched over us. πŸ™πŸ»


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