Living by the Power of the Image
When my projections regularly produce a noticeable feeling in a lifestyle pattern, in stronger emotions that affect my everyday reality, it tells me that my thoughts are being highly refined. I’m in the habit of rapidly-processing as I strip away at the periphery (I ignore both the boring stuff in my memory AND a large number of basic objects and symbols I encounter in the outer-world) while hunting for something juicier. When I’m on the throttle, it means I’ve got my blinders on to the mundane elements!
All my life, I over-zoomed-in on things while ignoring other important information simply for an extra buzz. I became addicted to a sense of inflation and expansion from within my ideas all because of a lifetime of not understanding my thought processing properly, being caught up in my own sensationalised web.
Psychological Conditioning isn’t an easy system to monitor at first, let alone modify or change its contents. The initial installation from parents and peers, and the gradual updates ever since, take over my psyche. I end up ingrained towards a particular direction from set-ways encoded by my environment.
In this mode of ‘tasty thinking’ conditioned over time, you could say that I created a strictly Sensation Driven Reality as opposed to a balanced or fair Fact Driven Reality, a reality overwhelmingly based on repeat sensations derived from my thoughts. I couldn’t help myself and kept overinflating particular words and symbols because they were somehow registered as ‘invested objects’ inside my mind. Fortunately, my reality is now driven by a healthy mix of factual ideas and semi-inflated ideas (the boring + the occasionally heightened sensation). Which all up, equates to a smoother, regulated flow of sensation.
The scales often tipped in my world as I gave more and more value to a short-term surge in a well-scripted narrative by reanimating potential scenarios in order to fuel this sensationalism. In fact, I only knew this way of living my life until recently. For whatever reasons, I disregarded the very plain yet vital facts that would normally help people thru their life due to a habit and motto of ‘touch comes first’ or ‘conversion comes first’. It was an addiction that also needed protection from the polarised nature of our planet’s law which always sought to restore balance through an equal and opposite reaction.
Living a tremendously positive life for an odd-mind meant that I would also spend extra time and energy on keeping a watchful eye on the negatives because I didn’t want any disruptions near my pristine mental portfolio. I didn’t want anyone coming in and breaking my God-like ideals that had kept me going for so long!
Yet eventually this itself turned into great fear due to the obsessive defensive measures I automatically took (paranoia/hypervigilence), regardless of whatever else popped up before me. Therefore I’d ALWAYS attract this irritating contrast between two ends of life:
One end was creating a delightful state, envisioning the way my life could or should be, while the other end was the reality of overly processing these thoughts with trapped energy that didn’t channel through into the real world properly.