Growing up, I couldn’t help but divide myself into a few characters. Fortunately, I now see why this happened.
My imitations and recreations were the result of my exposure to various processing densities and pathways from the total influences in my life. Or from many people’s different line of thinking (set-ways) as each sectioned themselves off into smaller groups.
And me being me, who liked to nosey around, I’d step inside each of these worlds to acquaint myself with nature’s diversity. I was rather intrigued at how people were so far apart upstairs.
Naturally and not long after, certain traits inevitably rubbed off, and there were now multiple me’s running the show. Each subroutine or program (potentially a trojan/virus) had gotten much stronger below.
Next, I’d end up living only one-way while the camera was on or while I was in the company of one level of mind. Only to live drastically in another when it switched off, or when I came across a different range of influences. I did this because each group thought that the other was strange, and I would have to hide my offending parts.
Finally Owning Up
Yes. It was all of me, Your Honour…
So I’m a contradiction in nearly every aspect, and yet I find it reasonable under the circumstances. My style of living came from an odd-interest coupled with my environment, and I now thank God that I’ve embraced it. Or at least a good part of me does.
My splitting behaviour turned into Art and became much easier to handle only because I finally care less about everything since I now clearly see that it’s a big mixed-up world out there. Each needs to realise that we all live in a land of opposites or else stay on your own damn side! Seriously, we keep the wall up and beg nature to allow only its fruits to cross and nothing else.
But for me, as I take things way less seriously, it’s easier to flow between each fragment or compass point. I now flick the chill switch smoother than ever before. Whereas previously and under my old visor, it got to the point where I’d disregard facts and other essential things: i.e., the law, morals, respect, etc.
After so much self-made divided BS in my life, it’s only in the last five or so years that I now care, after a tipping point. Meanwhile, it seems everyone else has stopped!
Sure, I remember immediately snubbing an opposing view backed by an uncomforting newly seen piece of logic or reason. I couldn’t help it; I was on auto-pilot since the meal wasn’t on my menu. There was a pothole along my narrative and I didn’t want to steer the course. Instead, I wanted to fill it in with anything (a piece of your tarmac) and ride straight over it like it never existed.
So I now say, thank you and goodbye to an ancient old hand-me-down tactic from the array I glued onto that demanded the grain to grain on!
A continued ignorance and my re-investment into these long term mental shares or splitting fossilised habits made me take many useless things way too seriously. In contrast, stuff I should’ve taken with more care got overlooked.
My sensors were shaped to receive a particular flow, and I’d follow orders almost always without question. Well, they still contain prejudice and other older conditions, but to a lesser degree. I’m only human…