Growing up, I couldn’t help but divide myself into a few characters and flicker between them throughout the day. Fortunately, I now see why this happened.
My imitations, or the reanimation of both fictional and non-fictional people who were stored in my head, were the results of my exposure to various thought processing densities and pathways from the most dominant influences in my life. They all came from many people’s different lines of thinking (set-ways) as each sectioned themselves off into smaller groups, providing their own unique form of influence.
And me being me, who liked to nosey around, I stepped inside each of these worlds to acquaint myself with nature’s diversity. I was rather intrigued at how people were so far apart from each other upstairs. Also, I noticed that some people took many of their thoughts seriously, while others only took a few of them that way. Some were fanatical with their ideas, while others were blase with them.
Not long after, certain traits inevitably rubbed off, and there were now multiple me’s running the show in my world. Each wild subroutine or program (potentially making up what could be considered a trojan/virus) had become much stronger inside my mind.
This led me to living only one-way while the camera was on or while I was in the company of one level of mind. Only to live drastically in another mode when it switched off, or when I came across a different range of influences. I did this because each group thought that the other was strange, and I would have to hide my offending parts.
Finally Owning Up
Yes! It was ALL of me, Your Honour… North-Lee, South-Lee, East-Lee & West-Lee.
So I’m a contradiction in nearly every aspect, and yet I find it reasonable under the circumstances. My particular style of living came from an odd-interest coupled with my diverse environment, and I now thank God that I’m able to embrace it. Or at least a good part of me does.
The ability to alternate my behaviour turned into Art and became much easier to handle, only because I now finally care less about everything since I clearly see that it’s simply a big mixed-up world out there. Therefore, I also see that there are only two types of people in this world — a Managed Schizophrenic and a Non-managed Schizophrenic (Greek for ‘split-up mind’, mind you). Each of us needs to either accept that we all live in a land of opposites, or else stay on our own side of the invisible line between ‘us and them’ and keep begging nature for only one type of nourishment to keep our mind and body ‘pure’.
Sure, I can remember immediately snubbing an opposing view on something I felt strongly about, especially when it was backed by a solid piece of logic or reason that I hadn’t previously seen. I couldn’t help reacting staunchly to it. The meal that I felt got thrown in my face simply wasn’t on my menu, which meant I wanted no piece of it. I only wanted to eat food that fit in with my particular mental diet.
After so much self-created, conflicting BS in my life, it’s only in the last five or so years that I now care, having reached a tipping point and deciding to make a serious change. Meanwhile, it seems everyone else has stopped caring about life!
By taking my thoughts less seriously today, it means that it’s easier to flow between each fragment or compass point of my mind. I can flick the ‘chill switch’ much smoother than ever before. Whereas previously, and under my older visor (I can’t say that it’s completely gone), it got to the point where I would disregard factual knowledge and other essential things: i.e., the law, morals, respect, etc. Now, however, I have a better handle on where to draw the line between ‘chilling out’ and rebelling against the system.
So I now say, thank you and goodbye to an ancient old hand-me-down tactic from the array I latched onto that expects the same ways to continue. Which also means, less alternating my behaviour throughout different times of the day.
I can’t escape ‘ignorance’ no matter how hard I try. It is transmitted from all angles in all generations across at least one aspect or another. Thus, my exposure to other humans growing up means that I will also end up taking less important thoughts way too seriously, while stuff that I should take with more care gets overlooked.
All up, a continued ignorance creates multiple personalities in us all which then goes on to be either managed or not managed properly. By seeing this clearly, I’ve now removed the ‘trying’ from ‘trying to be less ignorant’, which is the best outcome for me at this stage.