Heads up; I write crap below. It’s the type you’ll either find fascinating or never go near again.
A Long Distance Call on My Very Last Dollar
As I’ve already explained, I played with the underground throughout my 20’s and conditioned myself destructively. Then, by the time I hit 30, I thought I’d had enough of my backward lifestyle so I tried jumping ship. This ‘all-or-nothing’ approach inadvertently messed with something much, much bigger/deeper which would eventually lead to me deservedly getting stung as I tapped into my state’s crimes & corruption watchdog for salvation. Though I was more interested in throwing myself under the bus than anyone else. Someone… Please take my confession!
Sure, a corruption watchdog sounds like the right choice. After all, my files were seriously corrupt at the time. Unfortunately, rather than improving, my life got worse due to the new and more powerful toxins I was exposed to from the influences that I hadn’t quite severed ties with. You see, word got out of my exit strategy and another set of instructions, along with a few drops of a special elixir, was funnelled to those closeby to give to me. It turned out contacting my state’s crimes & corruption watchdog wasn’t the best move as a seasoned criminal — New-Age or not. They also have to make arrangements and work alongside crime to keep it all managed on a bigger scale which is acceptable behaviour when I look at it all now. I was simply on the wrong end at the wrong time which made me appear easily dispensable.
Therefore, once I left the planet, I had no choice but to scan the periphery with every ounce of whatever ‘looking power’ I had left at my disposal. Utterly desperate, I had to get back onto ANY track except for the one I entrenched myself in since disrupting the proverbial hornets’ nest which didn’t like their system being tampered with.
Also, the powers that be weren’t impressed with me for the trail I had left behind. But they too had their hands in this complicated situation simply by association! After all, they weren’t used to seeing brazen shortcuts exposed in their working environment which automatically adds to their karma and affects their lives. So now there were those working alongside the underground in one room as well as those in another room within the same building who both had a new headache to deal with. And then there was me… the fly in everyone’s chardonnay.
Immediately, I was frowned upon as a new threat carrying an odd trojan, and a severe pain in the butt now living between two worlds of paperwork — being mentally disabled on the other end. Just before I left the planet, I somehow picked up that my initial details and comments weren’t being logged into the system and thankfully I got someone else to have a look, which was confirmed to me. Therefore, before my demise, I left a surprise as people were able to backtrack and put two and two together which sparked major conflict behind the scenes. Also, I could have sworn that I had a few more drops of a special elixir behind my scene.
For the very first time, I had an unavoidable mega-challenge in my face as I entered into a new phase of double-life-ism that I certainly wasn’t ready for! The old phase of being two different people was sooo much easier to handle. Perhaps it was all meant to be… as it primed me to operate on this newer and bigger task with minimal distractions!
You see, it’s a pickle like none other when bouncing back and forth between mental illness from debilitating toxins on the one end, to the mind of a shark on the other end. Well, I use the word ‘shark’ because it became my new nickname within the ranks. Talk about being split straight down the middle and bouncing lightyears between the aspect of myself that was broken and that which was still potent and powerful!
My First Real Affirmation
Just stay in the light, Lee. Whatever little glow or speckle there is.
Luckily, within this tight psychological enclosure that eventually antagonised my inner world because of an ACTUAL pain in the neck and head from years of condensed fear that shifted to anger (inner-to-outer world manifestation), i.e., the non-stop vetting my surroundings, along with the surroundings of those around me for any potential safety concerns, then being infuriated because I couldn’t turn it off or explain it all, came the solution needed. From years of ongoing biochemical and neurochemical fluctuations that altered every aspect about me, while the majority of people in my life had no idea (and they still don’t at the time of me writing this), something answered my call.
Odd Help From Abroad?
After toying with death on more than a few occasions (which has now settled right down, thank God for that), I soon realised… “Hey, I’m equipped with things way beyond my comprehension. I was born with a built-in sorcery system and somehow its next level activated to help me out of most of my predicament.”
A prime directive to survive stronger influences within the community (and inside my head) enacted deeper functions which also widened my net of observation. Don’t ask me how, precisely, but I would somehow gear up and call upon various mediums from both within the gates and beyond. Until one day, I finally made my way to where I am now — a somewhat sane person with a smaller chip on his shoulder!
And if it weren’t for my previous clandestine skills that kicked off at 8 years old, I definitely wouldn’t be here mindlessing with you today. So I have to thank God for that!