Am I learning anything new? Or, am I over-learning by addiction? Can I see my initial excitement and the rush that I naturally want more of (my more-ish madness) to get back to my short-lived expanded state of knowing all — being all?
Having grasped everything so far 😕 (hopefully), let’s look at the GREATER sensation that got the ball rolling in the first place.
The excitement I felt from learning something new in the line of my interest sent fireworks high up in my mind’s sky and recorded as a very pleasurable moment. Today, I see this as a Joyous occasion, a process that does not live in the archives. Instead, it occurs only once in the present, or uniquely.
You see, what wasn’t known before, I’ve come to know now, and it makes me feel incredibly great! 😀
Naturally, under such spectacular Realtime Lights, I’m highly motivated to continue my hunt and get more of the same rush. This amazement made me forget myself for a short while, and I felt super expanded in the outer world. I was something without a constricting border, no longer all caged up in little-me land.
However, by impulse, I’d cling onto these images of the light. I’d relive each record over and over looking for that initial burst again. And so would EVERYONE around me.
It’s almost as if I wanted to forget what I’d learnt, only to have it known again so that I could get intellectually high! But unfortunately, my ‘psychological dope’ was never the same.
From here, I’d only attain the sensation in the form of Pleasure, as Joy immediately downgraded into a process of psychological stimuli once the experience finalised. That is, once it played out in my reality, it was the impression bearing the closest possible resemblance to joy, and my moment had forever gone.
Hence, a one-off joyful explosion before it dissipates into my memory as Second Hand Sensation available to pleasure only.
Then What Makes Up This Feeling?
So upon my endless wondering into things, I further wondered on with…
Just where the heck are these joy chemicals stored upstairs? Seriously, where do we keep our Premium Top Shelf stuff that’s reserved for only a very few occasions? You know, for when an extraordinarily unique experience is about to play?
Because I can always point to a thought that allows a replay of events showing the Time and Space of a ‘joy’ impression. Sadly though, that explosion is never the same. A once-off process of joy has forever lost its touch.
Or perhaps there is a more straightforward explanation.
Perhaps, the premo stuff is actually also reliant on a larger outside field made up of billions of surging signals hitting just the right spot. And my capacity to replay can only carry or process a small portion. Or, only one unique code is allowed per drop of joy transaction.
Ah, so… this is why I kept pushing for the next piece of the understanding puzzle on the backend, hoping to reproduce an original experience; over and over. Yet, the reality was that my mind always threw back these dodgy replicas instead.
Now it Began to Make More Sense!
This general understanding model/technique that lived on for so long disguised as a positive had finally revealed its true colours. My conveniences as these tasty habits that were unproductive came PACKED with challenges. Each of which stood before my ability to learn — REALLY LEARN. Versus, UNREALLY MASS DUPLICATE… Which ends up distorting my screen.
Left with only one clear option, I simply acknowledged this cycle which then equipped my reactions with a hidden strength. Soon, I was able to let go of the old way so it didn’t hurt as much in the long run.