To begin, I’ll explain how the word ‘mindless’ gained strength, by taking it slowly from the top to avoid any confusion.
When the word Mind plays out for me, what does it generally mean?
It means there’s something on it from pressure building inside.
‘I have got such and such on my mind! ’ Or, ‘ Mind your own business!’ Or, it could be when I say to myself ‘Use your damn mind , Lee!’ Or, ‘I’m losing my mind again!’ etc.
Typically, it is some form of problem, challenge, self-criticism or objection that presents its name for me. Otherwise, I would take very little notice of the word without any negative connotation to give it weight.
A few years ago, I gave birth to a Baby Mindless Ideal in response to all the chatter carrying on loudly and impacting my life. At the time, it was the only way I could combat or counter the effects of a mind, so I wouldn’t have it anymore.
I would say… “Mind, be gone…” in my wishful-thinking, while I would also continue my usual more-ish habit on the side: i.e., I feel negative, therefore I hunt for and cling to a positive until life snaps back. So I couldn’t help myself, and I remained stuck on these opposites ALL throughout my life!
If you or someone else held up black, I don’t know why, but I would naturally jump for white. And vice versa.
Then, after further snooping around in my psyche, since I was born this way and stuck my nose into everything (except, previously, my attention was fixated on the outer world), I found that, well… it could be these ideas and ideals in general tying things up and causing problems in my life.
And upon more scanning around, looking from every angle both up and down, noticing EACH drop of sensation spent in various good and bad ways, I would see that… yes, I was right! There’s too much pressure put on my CPU. Inside the processing of my thoughts, in general, are these bigger issues now needing my FULLEST attention.
My ideas and ideals came chained to one another, and I didn’t know how to cut them loose and be free!
Specifically, they were always on a short leash to a heavy ball and required a much deeper understanding if I was to be free of the weight. In the beginning, I used to suck on the word ‘Mindless’ along with others like a baby on a teet because they gave me an instant sense of security and comfort. At least, for a few moments.
I always had my go-to words in life, no matter what they spelt or pointed to (either towards real or unreal things).
Didn’t you, and don’t you still?
My Holy Ideas
Like… God, money, gambling, sex? A celebrity, sport, country, or song? Perhaps, it was or still is a type of car or boat? A company name or label? Or a herb or strong chemical of some sort? The moon, planet or a certain constellation, etc? Or it could be any group of words and pictures that sparked into an ideal which resembles godliness in your eyes. As a hard-hitting hope, magic and bliss all momentarily take over.
Of course, who hasn’t been overrun by any of these sweet theological or ideological treats at one time or another…
And like a drug with a flip side, the weight occurs once they run out of juice and my psychological sensors no longer connect to them in the way that they had. Which also means, I would impatiently hang around until they refuelled again, or before any taste could return with the comfort and space I once happily remembered as my ideas re-inflated with the ‘appeal quality’ that I forever desire.
So, it was this odd little insight I had noticed earlier with my clingy habits attaching to words, symbols and images (my tasty-holy ideas) that evolved Mindlessing into something strong over the years. Yes, I know it’s seriously deep, but I was stuck in a major pickle no one else could see!