Disc 10: A Help or Hinder?

Unfortunately… my background influences don’t help out on every occasion.

In fact, during any typical segment, my panel of friends & foes, plaintiffs & defendants, husband & wife, and any other past polarised-characters are all known to get a little too comfortable when in session and would often drift off-topic.

Within moments, the tide changes and everyone starts talking crap to one another just like the guys who do sitting on Sports and Politics.

Stuck in backward ways from yesterday, a range of preconceptions, superficial judgements, plus any unforgotten grudges, nudges and dramatisations, things heat up fast…

Next, as I think about moving one way to deal with an issue or to escape something confronting, I would hear ALL about it from a voice on the right. Perhaps, it is an old neighbour or an elderly friend whose qualities or habits are working thru me.

Then, upon realigning myself to meet that position, up comes another form of resistance. This time, it’s telling me to get back on track or go another way by expressing some other piece of background that is dressed up as ‘support’ or ‘reasonable opinion’.

So, all day and every day I second guess my moves while this panel boils up and turns trivia into the Great Internal Debate.

Tell me, how can anyone advance their life when heated exchanges continually fly back and forth by a gang of split personalities? Or better yet, how do I switch off from the hindrances at least on the extreme?

The reality is… I can’t or won’t, and I reinforce my problems instead.

Hence I’m a totally divided consumed person letting life slip by.

Then GET OFF the Battlefield!

Umm… if only it were that easy to stop the chatter. I’m addicted to chatter, thus I love battling myself!

So with all these conflicting/opposing ideas and ideals flying around the tabletop, this clutter ends up shifting my panel away from an instrumental role meant to keep me safe and optimal.

My judgements, mistakes, opinions, fears, desperation, ignorance, jealousy, shame and envy, along with any short-lived spikes of desire and pleasure from previous 1-upping (in stale ego trophies that eventually shatter), these all now rush in, take over and condense into what I call a ‘mind’ as increased pressure and heat.

And the only reason why I went on to observe these reactions at the greater depth in recent times, is because I finally noticed an inescapable complex that I lived in. Previous lifelong attempts to stabilise within the panel only threw it back-out moments later. You see if I hadn’t of watched at this broader level, I would still be partaking between each commentator caught up in their draining ways.

TV, Radio or Internet, neither made any difference. I would stay talking garbage with myself and I’d barely move productively in the real world if at all back in the day.

Therefore, my only reliable line of defence was that I  step back a notch and watch the panel,  instead of  continuing inside the panel.  And somehow after a while, this removed me from a majority of the drama and a few steps away from each character.

Although, I did notice at first that I could only pull this off for a moment or two because the shift from the dimension, i.e., out of the panel and into head office, felt foreign and unusual.

But after a while of drifting to-and-from, in-and-out, things soon settled down, and I gradually increased my distance from these silly characters. Or at least away from the chatter that served little purpose.

Mindless Introduction Installation Disc 11


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