Instead of fixing, I can’t help but look at each fixer on my panel as they pop up. From watching the entire show unravel, I released my fixation on fixing.
So, yeah, I used to try and fix everything about me. But not any more or in the traditional sense.
Once realising that the fixer/s were broken, and he/she/they couldn’t fix a flat tyre, is when the real help arrived in life. Besides using common sense when needed (which thankfully did come from the panel), as for the more complicated processes that involved overthinking, like when things heated up, I took the backseat approach.
In essence, I knew that space away from the chatter had to be my best bet. Surely, a silence would deliver the least problems out of all options in front, especially after considering this BIGGER picture. And, regardless of how magnetic or aiding-like, my panel was or claimed to be.
Or, I’d now move anyway, EXCEPT; forwards sideways and circles anymore, in the status quo, by simply not continuing on my usual shenanigans, saving power instead.
Yet, my issue’s probably weren’t too complex to begin. But for some reason I made them that way by chattering on and on, eventually moving my ideas off-topic in this self-made profession. I.e. My inner constructive talk that soon turned to smack talk! Given all these points today, I finally see and understand how I’d rationalised heavier and heavier idling over the years.
I fell in love with and became addicted to, complicating the life out of simple.
The fact is, I’ve been trying to fix myself for a long time by becoming better from idea’s handed down off everyone (the ideal-hand-me-downs). Unaware of all the hidden processes tying things up in the background, I naturally met resistance. Therefore I was bound to hit a tipping point sooner or later, which is why I finally got over it and reporting to you.
Now truly realising, I’m never going to become better because any ideal-of-better was always a huge leap into complex-chained thought, funnily enough, actually made me feel a lot better. Thank God! 😌
And Then Guess What?
My dismissive attitude then went on to lay the foundation to NEVER AGAIN CARE about becoming better, anymore! Which, consequently and thankfully, opened up space and gave room for my cluttered-psyche to slow down.
Now what an inspiration!
You see, I actually didn’t need any more of anything to improve myself. Again. If anything, I needed less.
By throwing in the towel and not worrying about this becoming-better-ideal drilled in earlier, I gradually stretched out in the real world. I was able to reduce the bulk of my baggage, in both negative and positive spikes that hammered my system, from the panel — I.e. The sense of unworthiness on the one end, to projecting an unrealistic success in pleasure that was a mile away on the other (but in a switch).
Besides. In simple terms, what does becoming better mean?
- Is it an increase in productivity while decreasing my destructive traits?
- Is it a matter of organising and taming my social and cultural behaviour so that I nourish my relationships?
- Or, is it all of the above plus create more compassion in my life, have extra care?
Sure, I’d include the qualities in a desired outcome. But my only success so far to get anywhere close to this is after unwinding from heavier steps taken, not find better ones.
- Meaning ✔
- Unconventional ✔
- Commentators ✔