Instead of fixing myself and the issues that face me, I now can’t help but look at each fixer on my panel as they pop up. From watching the entire show unravel, I have released my fixation on fixing.
So yeah, I used to try and fix everything about me. But not anymore, or at least in the traditional sense.
Once truly realising that the fixers were broken, and they couldn’t fix a flat tyre when all the loud-mouthing started, that’s when the real help arrived in my life. Besides using common sense when needed (which thankfully did come from the panel), I soon took the backseat approach. This was especially true for the more complicated processes that involved overthinking, like when things heated up.
In essence, I knew that some space away from all the chatter had to be my best bet, regardless of however magnetic or promising my panel’s strength was or had claimed to be. Surely, a silence would deliver the least problems out of all options in front, especially after considering my odd mind type and its greater sensitivity.
Or, I would now move anyway, except in the direction I had always moved within the status quo, by simply not continuing my usual shenanigans and saving my psychological power instead.
Yet my issues probably weren’t too complex to begin with. But for some reason, I made them that way by chattering on and on and on, eventually moving my ideas off-topic in this self-created pitfall: i.e., when my inner constructive talk soon turned to smack talk!
Given all these points today, I finally see and understand how I had rationalised heavier and heavier idling over the years.
I fell in love with and became addicted to… complicating the life out of simple.
The fact is, I have been trying to fix myself for a long time by becoming better from the ideas handed down by everyone (the ideal hand-me-downs). Unaware of all the hidden processes tying things up in the background, I naturally met resistance. Therefore I was bound to hit a tipping point sooner or later, which is why I finally got over it and have decided to report to you today.
Now truly realising… yep, I’m never going to become better. It’s a handicap from the get-go! You see, any ideal of better is always this huge leap into complex chained-thought. Which funnily enough, actually makes me feel a lot better in knowing this, and I also started getting better in my reality following on 😌. How weird, right?
And Then… Guess What?
My dismissive attitude then went on to lay the foundation to NEVER AGAIN CARE about becoming better anymore because it was all a bunch of unnecessary weight! Which consequently and thankfully, opened up space and gave room for my cluttered-psyche to slow down for once.
Now what an inspiration to share!
You see, I actually didn’t need any more of anyTHING to improve myself. Again. If anything, I needed less… But I needed a stronger ‘less’ that is only found in another dimension if that makes sense.
By throwing in the towel and not worrying about this becoming-better ideal drilled in earlier, I gradually stretched out in the real world. I was able to reduce the bulk of my baggage in both negative and positive spikes that hammered my system from the panel. In short, I used to go from feeling a strong sense of unworthiness on the one end, to projecting an unrealistic success that was a mile away on the other. So the distance between these opposites finally levelled out and things became more manageable for the first time.
Besides, in simple terms, what does becoming better mean?
- Is it an increase in productivity while decreasing my destructive traits?
- Is it a matter of organising and taming my social and cultural behaviour, so that I nourish my relationships?
- Or, is it all of the above plus creating more compassion in my life? To have extra care for everyone and everything?
Sure, I would love all these qualities. Who on Earth wouldn’t? But my only success so far in getting anywhere close to this outcome is by unwinding from heavier steps taken, not finding better ones to replace them with.
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- Unconventional ✔
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