Fortunately, Mindlessing is now a lot simpler to understand. It is about seeing my internal pressures mount, which from that comes a quality beyond conventions that helps lessen or reduce the overactive or anxious aspect (heavy/default mind) that affects my everyday life.
I have essentially allowed a natural balance to air things out over the long run, instead of always trying to STABILISE my ups and downs by burning and churning these picturesque ideas and ideals for short term relief only. Now that I have worked out what they are all about!
In the past, I relentlessly pulled on the positives since I was without a greater understanding of my lifelong conditioning that circled in highs and lows, sometimes neurotically. But luckily not long after which was also not long ago, that was about to change.
So Staying Positive Isn’t Always Healthy?
In my mind… yes, because I can get carried away. An overcompensation comes in, takes over, and I eventually land straight back in the mud again. Because, too much ‘+’ will only strengthen the ‘-‘ on the backend, loading up the next round in the chamber, an awaiting problem.
Today, I have discovered that the ‘less’ part of the mindless word is energised from beyond the gates of thought and implies a deeper understanding or angle, unlike traditional/mindful roles which usually relied on positivity in a short story to temporarily massage the default mind away.
Once totally realising the fact I live in a heavily polarised world along with everyone else, then it only made sense that these positives I’m talking about, were always tied in with the negatives. Sure, I could instantly put on a happy show for everyone when needed and without too much fuss like I was on call. But the reality was, while I was being positive, I had trouble holding it. And when it did leave the scene, I would simply want it back and started to demand more!
In a steady orbit around my seasonal circle of drama of either minutes, hours or sometimes days of loop, years of increased spin in my world created this strong Pyscho-Magnet Field.
At one stage, I conditioned myself extremely — super demanding, turning into a Class Act Zombie 🧟♂️. Not moderately or lightly, as I wish I had only after getting up from what I consider being… mentally KO’d. 👊
Damn! I’m still too far gone to be saved, I remembered thinking only recently. You can ask anyone close to me how out of whack I got over the years as I couldn’t be found! In my world, either, I was stuck on these hardcore negatives or they were never too far away and about to sideswipe me.
The Unavoidable Entanglement
First, I would cop a demand or two to get things started. Then soon after, life flipped the positive scene in some way, shape or form, and things fired at me while I would also try my best to handle it quietly.
The fact was, I’d show the world my positives or an above neutral state, but exported most of the negatives to myself only, day-in and day-out.
So really, I was an out of whack battery finally wanting to flow.