Hidden Frustrations Expressed Physically

Dear Life, I could do with a Brain Scan or an MRI because of these serious long term head and neck pains that I nearly pass out from (mostly on the left-hand side), due to the fear and anger in stories that make me very rigid. The reaction of fear from the unknown created a lot of carnage in my mind. In my silent outburst, I destroyed everyone and everything that made things harder for me. Dear Life, can you please hurry before my head actually explodes and my long term plan fails? I need a Doctor who won’t put his nose where it doesn’t belong, sign a few forms, and I’ll be on my way as I look at the physical aspect of all this.

For years, everyone in my personal life used to carry on about why I was so skinny and that I had to eat more. To be honest, these frustrations on top of my issues almost killed me.

Naturally, I fed them the most straightforward reason, even though it was a lie, because that’s all anyone knew how to digest. In fact, if it weren’t for my daily lying for years, I wouldn’t have made it thru. White-lying is what saved my life on many occasions, and I thank my god for that.

Seriously… You don’t need to watch your carbs to stay lean. All you need is the right story, from the right fragmented chain of command to create the right stir, and then surround yourself with the ‘black or white only’ minded folks instead. Then you naturally watch your back along with everyone else’s close to you. Thereby, burning up the fuel in your stomach much faster from the increased stress.

Then you boil away underneath in a chaotic system. 😤

Ok, so instead of waiting for a solid resolution or until the story fills in the blanks from somewhere else, it’s now my time to gain strength and seize power behind the scenes. I’ve already waited too long, and this built-in demanding process won’t let up until I feel certain and safe of any unwanted surprises related to the story. Whether I like it or not, there is another set of rules governing my behaviour, so the goal now is to fill the blanks out myself for closure.

The Impact of a Potent Story

Several people made life extra difficult for me over the years when I wasn’t at my best. Still to this day, I’m finding it hard let it slide.

My message to them…

Yeah, I was a little rogue back then. So what? BIG DEAL! There was a bigger picture at play, so get over it. The ends justify the means.

My community was weak, and I made them stronger by exploiting them. It’s a game nature plays, so we really should be thanking one another for the challenges.

And although 90% of you didn’t know the finer details, and instead relied on snippets of me, I still put everyone in the enemy combatant corner to be dealt with later. Deep down, I knew that if I wanted to take out bigger numbers (since I was bouncing between severe anger and fear meltdowns), then I had to get book-smart in the long run. I would also have to take a minimalist approach over a lengthy campaign to create a powerful mirage (which has now grown on me), especially if I was to get rewarded for my efforts.

However, thank God I’m slowly getting over the bulk of it for my own sake which is why I’ve finally let the cat out of the bag. Though, only my head and neck pains will tell the tale in the end.

Recent Update: My head and neck pains have subsided since clearing up my story. Thank goodness for that as they were driving me crazy. Let’s now put this story to rest!