Narrative Neurosis In Action

Over the years I have collected vast amounts of information. Some of it is useful, which has been advantageous, while the unuseful parts have been discarded. At least, I would stop thinking about the many purposeless or outdated things that I have encountered at the conscious level, believing that my mind was thus free of any byproducts. Or that which I would deem to be byproduct material.

As with all creatures, I make a home out of whatever is at my disposal. In the case of a mental home, the one us humans carry around in our head that consists of a timeline of standout events and stories, I naturally add and remove items or chapters to and from this collage as I carry on in my daily life. Some of these, mind you, are then extra highlighted and go towards the Very Main Feature of my story for all to hear as they stay listening to my podium voice that continues unfolding “This is me, my life and what I stand for”.

But then, I also have a ‘private me’ on top of the ‘public me’ which is made of memories more inline with the way that I behave full time. They aren’t simply handpicked from the memory bank and enhanced.

Once I have my public story intact the next thing I need to do is find a way to convey it to you, or at least have it ready before you try pulling it out of me as we meet.

First, I begin by priming you with smaller, common features of myself, creating a solid base for what comes next. Next, I show you a simple colour or two in a decorative mental arrangement to give the story of my existence a pleasant taste. From here, I add a blotch or more of darker tones to help break it all up with something slightly fearful or perhaps even distasteful, creating contrast and effect. Finally, I paint the big picture with even more colours, shades, textures and blotching, giving even greater contrast and effect. Thus a vibrant overall picture with meaning, along with a balanced dose of my successes and failures, is clearly transmitted to you.

However, I now realise that it’s what I say, do and act all-around in my life; i.e., before, during and after any curation, that reveals my ‘true colours’ and exposes the larger influences that I thought I had filtered out or forgotten about. You know, I wouldn’t think twice of being affected by them even this far down the track. This is embodied in the ‘private me’ or REAL me.

Switching over to the public me and now “Blah, blah, and blah… (enhancement and filtration)” as I continue on about this, that and the other aspect deemed significant. As my words flow, you are hearing the sounds of a hand-crafted narrative while watching me flick thru the mental pages on cue. Well, at least this is how I perceive you when the shoe is on the other foot. Yet in the background, I’m also taking in your responses, such as body language and mental vibe, which will help me make adjustments to my sentences ahead as I keep playing out the role.

They say humans are creatures of habit that follow patterns all day long, filtering out any perceived asymmetry while gripping onto symmetry, particularly when we detect something rather appealling. But did you also know that we are specialised in conveying the ‘up and down storyline’, forwarding sensationalism onto each other in order to give our existence a greater value? At least, I gain a greater sense of worth by revisiting the stand-out features of my past or of someone else’s past in order to get me thru each day. And regardless of whether these thoughts are said to myself only in a monologue or otherwise directed at you.

I move in a particular direction based on the many influences that have entered my life. Obviously, the same goes for you.

Let the Games Begin

At first, we’ll put on a show and test each other’s waters, treading carefully, feeling out any set boundaries, resistance, etc. But soon, I will begin to work you into ‘my current’ as my way is obviously the best way to move forward. Even if I have to start off in a mirage of succumbing to your landscape, I’ll do whatever it takes to gain your trust. Then, once I get a whiff of your weaker spot and hone in on it, applying my specialised method of narrative exploitation, I know that I’m now one step closer to winning this information war against you. And you are finally about to see the proper light!

As I begin channelling you into ‘my way of life’, back over from that poor terrain of yours, I’m relieved because I know that I’m about to win you over.

Deep down, all I want is for you to become an extension of my mental design and accept the influences that have shaped me into who I am. Otherwise, we’ll simply carry on with little in common but these superficial elements coming from my end that hold no real value. So please, listen to me carefully, you obsolete Curator! If you are not with me, you will soon be against me, and we’ll continue our game of narrative tug of war until one of us caves in first.

And in the event of my defeat where my weaknesses get exposed, even after I attack your influences to their very core, I will divert and deflect our attention in one way or another while planning for something stronger down the track. I’ll immediately go off-topic with something sensational and head back to the mental drawing board, planning another attack to finally put you onto a better course once and for all.

I’ll hide, ignore and divert attention away from the weaker or uglier aspects of my narrative because the ends always justify the means in my head. I mean, everyone has weaker aspects. But yours are much more than mine! Plus, as someone who specialises in ‘deflection’, I’ll craft everything so carefully that no lying ever gets involved. In the end, I know that I am doing the right thing because my ways ultimately carry the lesser of the two evils, says my Bigger Picture Rationale that I picked up somewhere along the line. (Boomers, perhaps? Just saying…)

Look, I want you to feel the rewards and emotions from my storyline… it’s as simple as that. I am shaped into who I am because of these events, so now I must export these emotionally-charged values onto you via the ‘Meaning in a Story Protocol’ before you miss out. I ultimately want you to feel how I feel so that we move the same way together, stronger as one. This is the purpose, form and nature of my main narrative or mental-home.

Neurosis comes into effect when I am fixated on the one life path or mental community in a world of many that I have refused to consider. No doubt, this was fuelled by my emotional attachment to a particular direction. The power of my emotion, which is without restraint, control or a greater understanding at the helm, has locked me into a bumpy course of up and down sensationalism to ideas that might also bear little-to-no fact.

In turn, my ignorance then causes suffering to not only myself (from all the defending), but to others as well (from all the attacking). Therefore, I tour life in general with a highly strung but smaller and smaller fanbase while getting under more and more people’s skin.