If the past has taught me anything today, it would be ‘better storytelling’ to get a clear message across to my community. Unfortunately, a few years back, I found difficulty in putting my words together to express a thought (let alone a fully fledged story).
Message in a Story
From what I know of humanity, stories bring people, communities and cultures together. While on the other hand, they can separate them to great lengths as well. Personally, when I get lost in a story it’s usually because of comfort. I’d muster up enough pleasure from a series of crafted words, images and symbols that carried just the right mixture of emotion, including dashes-of-fear, placed in the perfect parts of a film or book.
Also, if it’s super-good, I drift off in another dimension altogether. I’d become king with a leading narrative who has thousands or millions of followers at his beck and call.
The pleasant taste from a well-written story can carry on long after the show has played.
It’s when the mix is not quite proportional, containing either too much or too little fear or pleasure, that it can become boring and I’d move away, or it would get under my skin and I’d contemplate or pickle over it instead.
Here’s what I mean…
When a story doesn’t end properly or is left outstanding with an element of the unknown, which in this case translates into immense fear, then I stay waiting for a resolution. My mind instinctively thinks on and on in distaste causing unusual levels of biochemical and neurochemical activity from over-scanning every aspect of life. As a result, I continuously try to find order no matter how long it takes because that is the demand of my disrupted system taking a real-life story super seriously.
From a place of conflict and disturbance, where my exhausted mental state continues dragging things out many years on (no doubt, part Virgo to blame), I find it’s these background processes staying active that affect my everyday life, and I can’t move on. In short, primal code embedded deep within my being (written eons ago) got activated and won’t shut off. Heavier influences in my previous life triggered my survival system upon key messages, which is something that’s hard to control still to this day.
Why? The activation is there to ensure my safety and survival, along with my family’s as well. And now, from the aftermath of all the years of continuously vetting the surroundings for dangers, always strategising while pickling in this insecurity, one naturally develops the need for a sense of order. As such, I must always find closure in any story that comes my way, and thus eliminate any element of the unknown.
Real Hidden Frustrations
Dear Life, I could do with a Brain Scan or an MRI because of these serious long term head & neck pains that I nearly pass out from (mostly on the left-hand side for some reason), due to extreme fear & anger in stories. The reaction of fear has created carnage in my mind, as I kill everyone & everything in my silent outburst. Dear Life, can you please hurry before my head explodes… I need a Doctor who won’t put his nose where it doesn’t belong, sign a few forms, and I’ll be on my way as I look at the physical aspect of all this.
Ok, so instead of waiting for a solid resolution or until the story fills in the blanks from somewhere else (hell no!), it’s now my time to gain strength and seize power behind the scenes. I’ve already waited too long, and this built-in demanding process won’t let up until I feel certain and safe of any unwanted surprises related to this story. Please know that there is another set of rules governing my behaviour, so the goal now is to fill the blanks out myself.
Reducing My Minds Congestion to Gain Clarity & Order
Story-Static indicates a complex set of ideas that were supposed to transmit a clear meaning, but ended up failing miserably because I talked too much gibberish. If I can’t explain something clearly because of psychological distance and an unusually high-urge to close the gap, I naturally force a greater level of refinement to my thought process. I cause a dictionary to spill into my response. And a messy one at that!
Ideally, my mission is to transfer ‘meaning’ from one mind to the next with as few words as possible. But when I’m miles away and under immense pressure, I’m only assured of complication! Perhaps I can only deal with these head & neck pains at the quantum level by transferring them onto the community though another channel, ridding myself of this curse once and for all!
Regularly spilling Story-Static as the unclear picture from increased processes, or too many words and too little meaning, means I’ll stay at a great distance from everyone.
The Impact of Story Static
Several people made life extra difficult for me over the years when I wasn’t at my best. Still to this day, I can’t let it simply slide.
My message to them…
Yeah, I was a little rogue back then. So what? BIG DEAL! There was a bigger picture at play, so get over it. The ends justify the means.
My community was weak, and I made them stronger by exploiting them. It’s a game nature plays, so we really should be thanking one another!
And although 90% of you didn’t know the finer details, and instead relied on snippets of me, I still put everyone in the enemy combatant corner to be dealt with later. Deep down, I knew that if I wanted to take out bigger numbers (since I was bouncing between severe anger and fear meltdowns from a bigger, badder story), then I had to get book-smart in the long run. I would also have to take a minimalist approach over a lengthy campaign to create a powerful mirage (which has now grown on me), especially if I was to get rewarded for my efforts.
However, thank God I’m slowly getting over the bulk of it for my own sake which is why I’ve finally let the cat out of the bag! Though, only my head & neck pains will tell the tale in the end…
In my earlier response to a story, or when it came down to delivering a deeper message back (one driven by a strong sense of urgency), rapid fire in my thoughts complicated everything, affecting my relationships, both large and small. And it didn’t matter whether those words were written or spoken, as I couldn’t get the damn message out in either way.
Unfortunately, when in this cluttered-state, I can’t help but fly cartwheels and handstands in my sentences, always adding more than what’s needed. In a blink, I would easily clog up both my page AND the space in front (aka my pixelated/distorted reality screen from a bad connection) while transmitting little-to-no real meaning at all.
Therefore, I went Backwards in the traditional way (Level 1).
So I kept asking myself…
Why is this? And, how the heck do I get my flow back while simultaneously laying down the law?