Discovering a Path Forward
As I glimpse back at the old track record with far greater energy and clarity than in previous years, it says it all. I more than thrived off strong psychological stimuli in mental theatre displaying acts of illusions and drama, let alone all the physical fruits or goodies that I would regularly add as additional fuel (the boosters kept in my cabinet, pantry or cupboard).
But for the first time ever, I’m aware of my cravings that jump up fast. I also notice how easy it is to allow myself to keep running an open bar on these invisible mindly wonders, as well as the visible ones, aka physical stimulants. Yet I thankfully drop the bulk of those cravings, so I don’t get as stung by the opposite charge in drama, negative blowback like I always had before. You see, that’s how this discipline works for me, by clearly seeing and feeling the consequences rather than simply accepting them as a part of life I have no say in.
I Was After More & More ‘Desirable’ Sensation Only as Time Went On
Being properly bitten once or twice by the ‘non-desirable’ teacher, (three times max), and only after clearly seeing the source of my issue (feeding the MORE, MORE, & MORE ‘desire’ demand), was I able to let go of my heavy attachment towards the positive field that is so appealing and addictive. Therefore, I finally had NO more MENTAL-MORE’ing loading up surprises ahead.
Ok, that’s not 100% true. But I have significantly dropped back in wildly projecting desirable images.
That said, I also no longer fiercely fight AGAINST my desires either, since learning of the full spectrum of effects that come with the poles that link ‘undesired attention’ with ‘desired attention’. I’m now more conscious of responding in BOTH ways, in the pushing away and the pulling in of whatever is inside my desires; i.e., the objects and symbols linked with my desire sensations.
I’m No Longer Too Demanding, or Suppressive, Which Is Where Things Looped, Causing Tension
Ultimately, I found that too much ‘suppressing my conditioned desires’ caused a stronger demand and I led a double life by eventually ‘succumbing to greater desires’, thereby over-indulging on the low if that makes sense. In turn, this ate away at my space again, and I soon felt compelled to re-suppress my desires from all the guilt. So the whole damn thing sent me loopy!
If life loops between desirable and undesirable episodes, it only makes sense to minimise or optimise this life process by using a stronger approach to free oneself of the binary shackles.
So I thank God for the middle ground I’m at today. When it now comes to feeding my inner devil and his desires, he’s on a much lighter and healthier portion, rather than being cut off completely. My success arrived only by understanding these packaged opposites and watching it all play out. Not to deny one side, the undesirable field, while expecting an open tab on the other, the desirable field.