Sometimes I feel like I’m STILL sweating out my previous beliefs & illusions.
Once riddled, but no more. Thank God for that!
When Reality Served Back a Dose, I Joined the Resistance
So, after being all caught up in my own silly story, and when life returned a well-packaged surprise inside a psychological crisis over a ledger of misdeeds I couldn’t write off (I basically went nuts from karma), something changed and I forever woke up. My once backward beliefs that relied too much on sensationalism (and too little on sheer fact), could no longer be contained. Suddenly my mind imploded from what the world was serving back in negative consequence and I landed in a very uncomfortable state of being. This made me flip across to a severe opposing view on a destructive society instead of an encouraging one, confusing the heck out of everyone!
I went from one extreme of ego (a darker, mischievous side) to the other (a lighter, angelic side) and aligned myself within what’s known as the Counterculture. This bizarre new style of living that went against nearly all forms of destruction and consumption, I now realise is too far left and impractical. It’s a long story that is hard to piece together, although I’m trying my best to make it happen.
To seclude myself from the world and become riddled in paranoia, also to avoid treading on every bug and critter while boxing myself in a hermit lifestyle, was a recipe for disaster if I were to stay in this state for too long. My very existence inside a human nest demands a certain degree of death and destruction. And a smaller, stronger nest, which in my case is a highly-modern nest, puts on an even higher demand. It undoubtedly includes MORE pressures on my distant neighbours in other lands.
However, since I was out of sorts, and also brand new to this major polar shifting business taking place in my mind, I thought I could stamp out every destructive trait I held while making myself holy and respectable in the process. Therefore I clung to this angelic light as much as I possibly could in order to avoid the pitfalls of a darker, more destructive lifestyle.
What Does the Word ‘Modern’ Say?
It says a lifestyle of greater space, mobility and comfort at the cost of blood, sweat and tears from our ancestors (🙏). Although, I’ve only ever lived in the modern world and have no way to compare anything else to it, other than what my programming or idea of non-modernism tells me through various stories and images. And from what other people have recreated on TV, which also paints an overall picture of the rest of the world. Oh, and last but not least… along with a fortunate small glimpse into the outskirts of reality thru a hidden journey that the archons dragged me down when I wasn’t at my best (aka strong ancestral energy or the Energetic Rulers who gave me the whip, in a secret, sucky-wormhole way of dragging me densely through the ethereal realm).
And now that I’m aware of my actions having a rippling effect that travels outside my sheltered reality and towards the non-modern nests, let alone the impact I place on both the Animal and Plant Kingdoms, then it only makes sense that the very least I do is consider this as I step through life today.
Cutting My Costs
As a grown-up Virgo (♍ = someone who at one stage annoyed the crap out everyone!), there’s no way in hell I’m leaving behind excess/outstanding tabs anymore. Especially since any unreasonable demands for energy and waste that follow end up there.
Hell, if I’m going to kill, destroy or displace some ‘thing’, ‘one’ or ‘animal’ in the name of creativity, tradition, love or survival, then why not at least own it? I could potentially save a hassle down the track by naturally optimising my reality because of what I see, which could also put me on another path with more joy and fewer problems.
What has helped is I’ve asked myself… “Lee, how can you expect your world to evolve when you can’t even see your own destructive hand?”