During my entire time of holding up a bright light with hidden darkness, as I’d try to enlighten my darker shades, deeper issues rattled below. Boiling away were massive remnants of anger and fear because of bad blood left over between my community and me. Or at least, this was the overwhelming sense of things on my side of the fence.
Admittedly, I messed up in a previous life. Yet I couldn’t open a channel to directly resolve things, having tried numerous times with no luck. Fortunately, I have put myself back in good credit by masterminding behavioural change in myself and a few others (the cred really belongs to the Universe). However, when people talk to me I still reply on autopilot while thinking about these issues, as I have done for many years now. So all day and every day, I remain quite the misunderstood person.
I’m an outcast to some, while a grey area in general. But it’s only natural under the circumstances, which hardly anyone knows, let alone could possibly understand in so few words.
My unresolved issues compounded over time, causing a super pickle to ferment. I now can’t help but live double/triple/quadruple lives just to keep it hidden and myself stable!
A Hidden Agenda
Although most people I know see me as going one way in life, this couldn’t be any further from the truth. The fact is that I’m on a crash course that cannot be spoken of or explained in simple terms. If I’m too open or honest, I’ll freak people out… which only satisfies the need to go down with the ship while taking everyone else with me. Ok, that’s a little extreme and it could be the pickle having a rant. But at least a part of this idea is justifiable in my mind. You see, this is how far away I feel from those by my side due to the overwhelming frustration that causes secret, angry thoughts to cement in my mind.
My movements and drive, including both the intense and subtle behaviour changes that define my current output, all come from the invisible brain chemistry that held its grip through a previous life. There was no resolution from my community over the years which constantly bugged the crap out of me. The last thing I remember in regards to the matter is hostility aimed at me. Therefore, I bottled up some serious gas and haven’t told anyone of my explosive thoughts. Instead, I’ve set the stage for a new type of insurgency to rise in a Mindless Takeover, one that helps to bring different worlds together, but only once the weight has been lifted from my shoulders.