To rationalise my bad behaviour, I need to go back in time to look at a few common influences that we all shared. Keep in mind, as a Highly Sensitive Person (living a Hypersensitive Existence), I react differently from others when it comes to foods, heavier metals, and refinements in my environment, let alone all the surrounding thoughts that bombard me. I get carried away more easily, thereby opening myself up to even more surprises in life.
Here are some earlier mainstream influences that I now contest:
- To get my main nutrients, I must eat meat, eggs and dairy. I didn’t live on a farm and my food was mass-produced. Unwanted things such as long-term antibiotic exposure are no good for a developing immune system.
- Chlorine and fluoride in my water keeps me safe and healthy. Compared to nasty bacteria, sure. But it also kills good things in the water, along with my gut flora.
- Processed food is reliable. Long term consumption puts a load on my internals.
- I need iodised salt to maintain healthy thyroid glands. There are much cleaner ways of sourcing iodine.
- When I feel sick, body or mind, see a doctor and take whatever they give you without question because they know best. Research first or get another opinion.
- Happiness is just ahead. Just what I need in the mental equation… more thoughts!
Overall, sure, one would think that there’s not much in these everyday things. But for me and my bizarre mind chemistry, I now feel that this was the first concoction that proved toxic to my body and mind, making it easier for me to get caught up in bad behaviour. Like I said, these influences/fuels weren’t designed for my system long term. For most other general minds, I know you guys can easily handle the list from start to finish. In fact, I see it all the time.
Fast-forward 10-15 years and I was down a very dark path:
My attitude was “It’s ok to take 10 Xanax a day.” Or “It’s ok to take 50 Eccy’s along with a few other treats over a weekend and follow it with a box of sleepers to get the 1up on the one hell-of-a-comedown”. I assure you, I find no pleasure in mentioning any of this. This review is for development purposes only and I urge everyone to be aware of the dangers that come with drugs or anything that produces short-term bursts of extreme sensation that adds lightyears to reality (because she comes back with vengeance).
Admittedly, my mates and I were careless. No, that’s not even close to the right wording. We were very, very STUPID in our younger years!
One weekend, a mate and I started with a bag of 100 ecstasy tablets, and we didn’t stop until we ate them all. We were knocking them down faster than our drinks believing that we were truly invincible.
Why take so many?
First, we didn’t care about our health and wellbeing, which meant our selfishness had no limits. Second, they weren’t that strong because people in the industry often got greedy and jumped on the product making them weaker. And lastly, it was the culture. We thought it was cool to take lots of drugs and break many laws.
There’s no quality control in this underworld, except for whoever puts their hand up to get high. This allowed us to tax the much bigger bags of each week’s rollout because hardly anyone counted thru the thousands of pills until it reached the street level. It was one of a few perks back then. Stuff kept coming in, so we kept pushing the limits until we were muling tens of kilos of Class A drugs that carry big sentences (we were in it to win it but lost by far).
Please note again: The review on this page is for Mindware development purposes only. This in no way is intended to excuse or encourage drug-related activity. Truth be told, it is difficult for me to relive my past in this way as I am so far removed from that person today, I barely recognise myself in him.
In my mid to late 20s, I also ran an underground pharmacy, acting as a hidden doctor for the sneakier side of the community. Without a license, I printed over ten thousand pharmaceutical prescriptions which were dispensed in pharmacies across every state and territory in Australia, for years. Being quality controlled and to the dose, everyone knew exactly what they were getting themselves into from big pharma. Also, you would be surprised at how many “non-sneaky” sneaky people there are in this world. I could almost swear that the devil lives at the Vatican. I mean, what better place to nest?
All up, this stupid business model was only ever reasonably managed at best. But only at the beginning, or until I started getting high off my own supply. Despite the fact that I have paid for it in ways, I still don’t know how I made it this far back.
How did we not die, Universe? I can’t help but wonder if some guiding entity watched over us.