Surviving My Internal Apocalypse

Disappointingly, an earlier version of me turned into quite the handful and moulded into an extremist of some kind. But it wasn’t in the religious sense. Within the fields of Science and Technology is where I put all of my energy. Except the only problem I had was I became overly cunning and destructive along the way by taking underground courses with no real teacher (on the new dark web).

In Science, I got obsessed with blowing things up. While in Tech, I enjoyed gaining unauthorised access to various materials and seeing/doing things I shouldn’t. As for any above-board learning, it was a daily struggle to keep up with. An internal voice became a ruler of sorts and demanded a bigger bang each day, or a more interesting lesson, to be exact.

Once all these fuels kicked in, that was it… Nothing would stop me until I’d light myself up. But I never saw this as a problem. Rather, this lifestyle was what I considered quite normal.

Mental explosion

So it’s now easy to understand how everyone perceives themselves as normal regardless of what is actually occurring. A perspective is relative to its fuels and the environment in which it stands. If everyone consumes similar fuels, i.e., in our food and thoughts, then within the group everything is absolutely normal. It’s only when people indulge in different fuels that things begin to get messy.

After clearly watching and learning this vital intake factor down the track, what a relief as it’s not only me who had a screw loose. I now only have to look around to see contradiction running rampant everywhere.

You see, we’ve all had either a dash, spoonful, or a cup of something toxic in our younger days (otherwise you are a real freak). So one’s interpretation of normal simply lays somewhere in between the ‘conservative’ and ‘greedy’ consumer, who had more or less time to think.

Finally, after looking at this deeply, I feel a sigh of post-zombie relief. For once, in a long, long time, I’m optimistic and energised as this broadened perspective picked me up at a time when I was hopelessly down.

De-Zombifying & Becoming Stronger

Before finishing up, I feel the need to touch on the gene pool for a moment since both food and external influences aren’t the only reasons why people act up or down. From personal experience, a few of us inherit more wild features in our genes when crossbred along certain lines, which adds to a greater challenge. Can a half-cast or even a mixed bag be tamed or properly domesticated? I believe so if unconventional education plays a successful role. Interestingly, I’m now convinced of a mutation that can occur and tighten up these inner gadgets of mine from observing two fundamental measures.

Observations for Psychological Mutation: Two Fundamental Measures
  1. Better management of both psychological and physical fuels.
    1. Don’t be a slave to those taste buds. A taste-dependent existence will avalanche into problems down the track for most people. It’s bad practice to rely on those white-coated folks to solve problems from poor lifestyle choices.
  2. Understanding Psychological Time & Space at the deeper level.
    1. Seeing both internal and external reality for what they are is life-changing. Insight alone can lead to cell mutation.

Perhaps my problems only worsened because I spent too much energy juggling each normal version growing up. I constantly worried about the generational and cultural gap to keep audiences happy while dealing with youthful (and wild) urges.

But today I’m ok in sharing around some of the blame with my elders. Blame, lesson, learning or experiment, I could say. Or simply, life in general, existence, or whatever you want to call these organised lifely pixels and sounds that surround us.

Multiple versions of me
Full-Spectrum Normality