Am I learning anything new? Or, am I over-learning due to an information addiction? Has my learning process become nothing more than a never-ending attempt to get my next fix of an intellectual high? Truth is, I’m far from being an intellect.
Having grasped everything so far (hopefully), let’s look at the greater sensation that got the ball rolling in the first place.
The excitement I felt from learning something new in the line of my interest sent fireworks high up in my mind’s sky and recorded as a very pleasurable moment. Today, I see this as a special momentary occasion, a process that does not live in the mental archives. Instead, it occurs only once in the present, uniquely.
You see, what wasn’t known before, I’ve come to know now, and it makes me feel incredibly great! 🤩
Naturally, under such spectacular Realtime Lights, I’m highly motivated to continue my hunt and get more of the same rush. This flash of amazement made me forget myself for a short while, and I felt super expanded in the outer world. I was unfettered, someone without a constricting border. I was a person no longer all caged up in ‘little-me’ land.
However, by impulse, I’d cling onto these images of the light. I’d relive each record over and over, looking for that initial burst again. Ironically, knowledge became my enemy, as the more I knew or recollected the less I would actually learn.
It’s almost as if I wanted to forget what I’d learnt, only to have it known again so that I could get intellectually high. But unfortunately, the ‘psychological dope’ was never the same. Every repeat performance only served to lessen the intensity of the joyous experience involved.
From here, I could only attain the sensation in the form of mild pleasure, as Joy immediately downgraded into a process of psychological stimuli once the experience finalised. That is, once the fireworks played out in my reality, all that remained was the limited impression, not the actual experience itself. Thus, the Joy or Elation, along with the moment, was forever gone.
In short, the one-off explosion of elation dissipates, leaving only its memory and the Second-Hand Sensation that is a pale shade in comparison.
What Makes Up This Euphoric Feeling?
So, in keeping with my endless wondering into things, I further wondered on with…
Just where the heck are these elation or joy chemicals stored upstairs? Seriously, where do we keep our Premium Top Shelf stuff that’s reserved for only a very few occasions? You know, for when an extraordinarily unique experience is about to play out?
Because I can always point to a thought that allows a replay of events showing the Time and Space of an ‘Elated’ or ‘Joyous’ impression. Sadly though, that explosion is never the same. The one-off process has forever lost its touch.
Or perhaps there is a more straightforward explanation.
Perhaps the premium quality stuff is actually also reliant on a larger outside field made up of billions of surging signals hitting just the right spot. And my capacity to replicate the experience is limited as I completely internalise the process. Another way to put it is that only a ‘perfect storm’ of stimuli can really open the doors back up.
Ah, so… now I know! This is why I kept pushing for the next piece of the understanding puzzle on the backend, hoping to reproduce an original experience over and over again. Yet, the reality was that my mind always threw back these limited replicas instead.
Now It Began to Make More Sense
This general understanding model that lived on for so long, disguised as a positive, had finally revealed its true colours. What I thought was my best way to learn things was really a series of appetising habits that came packed with learning challenges, each of which interfered with my ability to REALLY learn. Instead, all I did was UNREALLY mass duplicate information in order to replicate a previously elevated sensation. Such habits only ate away at my attention, causing me to miss things in plain sight.
Left with only one clear option, I simply acknowledged this cycle which then equipped my psyche with a hidden strength. Soon, I was able to let go of the old way by watching my reactions, thereby regaining control of my mind and my learning habits.