As things came to light and evolved, life, in general, needed less and less management. Or management shifted away from the conscious which was all that mattered since I didn’t have to think about everything all day!

A Fresh Shift

Fortunately, as the mindless aspect opened its doors while the previous bad rep fell apart, just to put things into greater perspective, it also felt like the traditional mindful realm significantly strengthened.

But please don’t get me wrong, as I see traditions have their place. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know any stitching on my clothes nor laces in my shoes, to get me where I am today (which is further out of my mind). Traditional disciplines, even though, many bump heads, have undeniably brought a necessary order to billions. Without them, life would be far different.

However, in the case of my unorthodox thinking, I knew I had to go beyond what wasn’t working or barely worked before. Because, to truly grasp this newer mindless idea away from its wild-ish, more-ish infancy and onto something stronger, away from the conventional world of black and white I tried numerous times to blend into over the years, meant I had to let-go of an engrained psychology. One not only half botched-into my psyche, but FULLY burnt-into nearly everyone I know.

I bumped into a new hidden life-extension quality beyond conventions. It was the only thing that saved me!

Thank You Level 1 Backwardness, but I’m Done Thinking Along That Line

So after trying to find my way in this massive machine upstairs and always failing, eventually seizing-up and breaking-down, I’d only relax once I could see in detail that it wasn’t all my fault. However, a good part of it was. These conventional mental health and psychology programs that tried helping were simply developed from a different angle or a general mind perspective to help struggling mind’s get back or onto this one firm track. Which, and only after down the road, made perfect sense.

The collective mind that pulled the tribe through the dark ages couldn’t or wouldn’t recognise anything beyond the linear lens on a new day, in a new light. It wouldn’t budge beyond the restraints of black and white that I felt compelled against or out of alignment or synch when placed next-to.

Along the Grey-Area strip is where I’ve always lived; it is my home!

Unfortunately, everything becomes much harder in life when moving against your nature.

Not only did I end up extremely divided and pickled inside a lost cause, but it also felt like The Help were being extra challenging.  I’m running out of options, fast,  I kept thinking. Social workers, counsellors, doctors, upon others, etc., they had no interest in hearing what was actually on my mind, so it was left out. And in most cases, I’d leave a session with more anxiety than when I walked in.

Although, definitely a good thing now that I’m down the track, after much-needed space.

Damn! I Remembered Thinking

My entire scene and the broken state I’m stuck-in is going to be ‘it’ for the rest of my life. I felt physical pressures overwhelming everywhere, mounting, like a disease. For instance, my skin was all leathery, and my words weren’t connecting. Therefore, I was as rigid as ever. However, in the very distant part of my mind, I was always conjuring up something. I’d always look for any possible opening to exploit, then, plan for my attack.

Since deep down, I knew I was coded-in different to the herd, a little odd, but could also adapt when needed,  it was now up to me to devise my own custom screwdriver.  If I were to tighten up these bolts once and for all, I’d have to hand society’s book back and go deep-deep inside, instead.

Which, fortunately, is what led to greener pastures.

I kissed it & gave it back with a new shine 😘

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