Pleasure & Fear:
Two Sides of the Same Coin

When overriding positivity shifts my attention away from a pressing issue, it becomes obvious that I’m playing in a polarity. The blanket acts as a barrier from the haunts of Time as my perception of the past, present and future carries a negative charge in need of transforming or neutralising.

The bad side of Time is made up of the unwanted thoughts about what happened yesterday, along with the possibility of them happening again tomorrow, which increases my internal pressure. This is precisely why I refer to the overuse of positivity as my escape, as it is always a short-lived experience. Likewise, on the brighter side of Time, which is when I’m having a good old time that aims to continue tomorrow, while I don’t care about any challenging events on my calendar, the pressure level feels perfect, like it couldn’t get any better. Unfortunately, erratically shifting between the two different sides since I was young led to a long-lasting habit with mostly negative impacts on my life.

And the only real problem I ever had with escaping by using a positive blanket is that my troubles would always return due to this balancing or compensating mechanism that demands a contrast in pressure and sensation. Otherwise, I would still be escaping life 24/7 without a care rather than only escaping from time-to-time as I do today.

In simple terms, the positive charge in my world won’t keep registering in the way I want it to until I’ve had a good walk through the mud. Or at least, until there is a long, drawn-out break with something clearly mundane in between. Even then, I might still have trouble turning another page. If I struggle to flip the charge, I’d simply reach deeper into my imagination to grab for more positive producing material to compensate and really turn things around. Then, to top it all off, I’d gradually extend the limits of my high as a way to cater to the negative offset bound to occur, as I had lost more and more solid ground over the years.

With great upset in the one sense, I have learnt along the way that each class of sensation derived from my thoughts lives on the back of its opposite. Or at least for my particular cogs, they do. What a bummer as I now look for other ways to exploit or gain the advantage on my mind.

Dear Life, is there a middle ground I can travel in, so I don’t get so caught up on the extreme side of things? Can the coin stand up on its side?

Too Much of a Good Thing

By overindulging in this favourable inside world, I needed greater imagination to achieve my desired high, not to mention a worse diet with crappy food, drugs and alcohol, thus making me a weaker person in general from toxic energies.

And every time I would reach my tranquil spot, the exchange was I would add another tiny layer of bubble wrap and become even more fragile when returning to the real world. This led to me requiring greater care and comfort for my fragile existence. Now, couple this with nature’s tendency to balance things out, and the rest is plain logic.

My perceived harsh reality becomes even harsher, and I am too weak to cope with it.

Therefore, staying in the traditional mindful field without this greater insight meant that I was only dealing with surface issues on one side of the coin, which would be fine if it was well-managed as most can do. Most can flip the coin without causing a noticeable problem to their lives. But unfortunately, I sucked at that for a long time.

Nowadays, as I draw on the pleasure centre allowing only a conservative attachment to reroute pressure, I expect only a small problem on the flipside. And that’s because I have seen and felt the law of the greedy, not liking the repercussions produced on the tail end of excess positivity. Converting pleasure is one thing, and without it my life would be dull. But attaching to it, while increasingly weakening myself and inflating the pattern, created a condition I can well do without today.