Coming back to my earlier rogue life and since deep down I didn’t like where I was heading (unfortunately at the surface, I’d lost control the ship), being only moments away from entering a level of hell I sure wouldn’t have enjoyed staying in (luckily, however, God put me on a temp visa as I just managed to pull out at the 11th hour and 59th minute), I got taught a good lesson to not mess with the underground ever again. Or, if I were, I was to take it above ground, in future.
Welcome to The Mindless Life!
Then, after a good hard think about everything on the long journey back to my comfortable earth I’m now grateful for, I’d try to make up with life by throwing over this well-designed robe I’d heard all about. Here, I would start and continue reforming myself, deeply-reflecting, as I thought these new spiritual-like intentions I glued onto, were all righteous; would fix everything!
But in the midst of renewing and purifying (3 or so years), this outfit that was supposed to change everything felt more and more difficult to wear; soon, reality got under my skin. Although I kept up the charade for as long as I had because I did feel some cool rewards, inwardly, I crumbled, realising, I’m running off years of guilt instead.
Setting Camouflage to Max-Light 💡
My massive leap into the Counterculture was one of the most uncomfortable times in life. Yet I felt I had no choice as an emergency-system ‘below’ took over and made me follow everything thru.
It was so annoying because ‘above’ or ‘near the surface’, I had trouble squeezing into the new me while the old one wouldn’t completely let up.
I COULDN’T FIND MYSELF! DUDE, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?
Also, my desire or habit of scanning for different ways to manipulate and get back to business in the pretend new purified me was up. I could pull things off for a short while and speak the light. But would soon need a devilish release of some sort on the low to get me thru the day.
Talk about being stuck in limbo, or in between the dead and living realms.
Plus, since I felt I was being watched at every moment by God almighty himself or a panel of them, I would try my hardest to shape and appease this overwhelming guilt.
But, ‘Make it go away!’ was what I really demanded, in a hidden frustration.
Luckily, I got my approval from people to help create the space I’d need while dealing with serious background problems that required significant energy.
When under stress and duress, get redressed. Then regather your new blended self!
It didn’t take long to realise that the light is especially good for a little timeout.