Narrative Neurosis

Synonymous with The Polarisation Pandemic.

Over the years I have collected vast amounts of information. Some of it is useful, which I have used to my advantage, while the unuseful parts have been discarded. At least, I would stop thinking about the many messy and purposeless things that I have come across at the conscious level, believing that my mind was thus free of their byproducts.

As with all creatures, I make a home out of whatever is at my disposal. And in the case of a mental home, the one us humans carry around in our head that consists of some sort of story, I naturally add and remove items to and from this collage out of the fresh hand-picked memories I record when carrying on in day-to-day life. Some of these, mind you, are then highlighted and go towards a main feature of my story for all to hear as they stay listening to my platform, podium or signature voice that continues unfolding the story of “blah, blah, blah…”

Once I have created my story the next thing I need to do is find a way to convey that story to you. So I begin by priming you with smaller, common features of myself, creating a solid base for what comes next. Then I move on with a simple colour or two in a unique arrangement to give it a unique taste. From there, I add a blotch or two of darker tones to help break it all up with something slightly fearful or distasteful, creating contrast and effect. Finally, I paint the big picture with even more colours, shades, textures and blotching, giving even greater contrast and effect. Thus a vibrant overall meaning is successfully transmitted to you (🤞).

However, I now realise that it’s what I say ‘all-around in my life’; i.e., before, during and after any idealised display, that reveals my ‘true colours’ and exposes the larger influences that I thought I had filtered out. You know, I wouldn’t think twice of being affected by them even this far down the track.

So, “Blah, blah, and blah…” as I continue on about this, that and the other. As my words flow, you are hearing all about my hand-picked narrative, watching me flick thru the mental pages on cue. At least, this is how I perceive you in the other way around. Yet in the background, I’m also taking in your responses which will help me make adjustments to the sentences ahead.

They say humans are creatures of habit that follow many patterns all day long, filtering out the asymmetry and holding onto symmetry. But did you also know that we are specialised in conveying the ‘up & down storyline’, sending underlying meaning to each other in order to give our existence a greater value? Or at least, I gain a greater sense of worth by revisiting the stand-out appealing features of my past in order to get me thru each day, whether it is said to myself only or directed to you.

I Move in a Particular Direction Based on the Many Influences That Have Entered My Life. Obviously, the Same Goes for You.

At first, we’ll put on a show and test each other’s waters, treading carefully, feeling out any set boundaries, resistance, etc. But soon, I will begin to work you into ‘my current’ as my way is obviously the best way to move forward. Then, once I get a whiff of your weaker spot and home in on it applying my specialised cunning filter… I know that I’m now one step closer to winning this information war against you.

As I begin channelling you into ‘my way of life’, I’m relieved because I sense that I’m about to win you over…

Deep down, all I want is for you to become an extension of my mental design and accept the influences that have shaped me into who I am. Otherwise, we’ll carry on with little in common but superficial elements that hold no real value. So please, listen carefully! If you’re not with me, you will soon be against me… We’ll continue our game of narrative tug of war until one of us caves in first.

And in the event of my defeat where my weaknesses get overly exposed, even after I attack your influences to their very core, I will divert and deflect our attention in one way or another while planning for something stronger down the track. I’ll immediately go off-topic and head back to the mental drawing board, planning another attack to finally put you onto a better course once and for all.

I’ll hide, ignore and divert attention away from the weaker or uglier aspects of my narrative because the ends always justify the means in my head. Plus, as someone who specialises in ‘deflection’, I’ll craft everything without any lying involved. At the end of the day, I know that I am doing the right thing because my ways ultimately carry the lesser of the two evils, says my Bigger Picture Rationale that I picked up somewhere along the line. 🤷‍♂️

Look, I want you to feel the rewards and emotions from my storyline… it’s as simple as that. I am shaped into who I am because of these events, so now I must export these emotionally-charged values onto you via the ‘Meaning in a Story Protocol’ before you miss out. I ultimately want you to feel how I feel so that we move the same way together, stronger as one. Thus is the purpose, form and nature of my narrative.

Neurosis comes into effect when I am fixated on the one life path or mental community in a world of many that I have refused to consider because of my emotional attachment. In other words, the power of my emotion, which is without restraint, control or a greater understanding at the helm, has locked me into a bumpy course! In turn, my ignorance then causes suffering to not only myself (from all the defending), but to others as well (from all the attacking). Therefore, I tour life in general with a highly strung but small fanbase while getting under everyone else’s skin.

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