If the past has taught me anything today, it would be ‘better storytelling’ to get a clear message across to my community. Unfortunately, back then, I found difficulty in putting my words together in general.
From what I know of humanity, stories bring people, communities and cultures together. While on the other hand, they can separate them to great lengths as well. Personally, when I get lost in a story it’s usually because of comfort. I’d muster up enough pleasure from a series of crafted words, images and symbols that carried just the right mixture of emotion, including dashes-of-fear, placed in the perfect parts of the film.
Also, if it’s super-good, I drift off in another dimension altogether. I’d become king with a leading narrative who has thousands or millions of followers at his beck and call.
The pleasant taste from a well-written story can carry on long after the show has played.
It’s when the mix is not quite proportional, containing either too much or too little fear or pleasure, that it can either become boring and I’d move away, or it would get under my skin and I’d contemplate or pickle over it instead.
Here’s what I mean…
Too Much Suspense
When a story doesn’t end properly or is left outstanding with an element of the unknown, which in this case translates into immense fear, then I stay waiting for a resolution. My mind instinctively thinks on and on in distaste causing unusual levels of biochemical and neurochemical activity from over-scanning every aspect of life. As a result, I continuously try to find order no matter how long it takes because that is the demand of my disrupted system.
From a place of conflict and disturbance, where my exhausted mental state continues dragging things out (part Virgo to blame), I find it’s these background processes staying active that affect my everyday life, and I can’t move on. In short, primal code embedded deep within my being (written eons ago) got activated and it won’t turn off. Heavier influences in my previous life triggered my survival system upon key messages, which is something that’s hard to control still to this day.
Why? The activation is there to ensure my safety and survival, along with my family’s as well. And now, from the aftermath of all the years of continuously vetting the surroundings for dangers, always strategising while pickling in this insecurity, one naturally develops new tastes.
My Hidden Frustrations
Dear Life, I could do with a Brain Scan or an MRI because of these serious long term head & neck pains that I nearly pass out from, due to fear & anger (I’ve also been mentally killing everyone & everything as part of my inburst!). And can you please hurry before my head explodes… I need a Doctor who won’t put his nose where it doesn’t belong, sign a few forms, and I’ll be on my way.
Ok, so instead of waiting for a solid resolution or until the story fills in the blanks from somewhere else (hell no!), it’s now my time to gain strength and seize power behind the scenes. I’ve already waited too long, and this built-in demanding process won’t let up until I feel certain and safe. Please know that there is another set of rules governing the background, so my goal now is to fill things out myself.
Shoot a Story Back…
In my earlier response to a story, or when it came down to delivering a deeper-message back (one driven by a strong sense of urgency), rapid-fire in my thoughts complicated everything, affecting my relationships, both large and small. And it didn’t matter whether these words were written or spoken, as I couldn’t get the damn message out in either way.
Unfortunately, when in this cluttered-state, I can’t help but fly cartwheels and handstands in my sentences, always adding more than what’s needed. In a blink, I would easily clog up both my page AND the space in front (aka my pixelated/distorted reality screen) while transmitting little-to-no real meaning at all.
I’d go Backwards, in Level 1.
So I kept asking myself…
Why is this? And, how the heck do I get my flow-on or back while simultaneously laying down the law?
Reducing My Minds Congestion
Story-Static clearly indicates a complex set of ideas that were supposed to transmit a feeling or meaning, but ended up failing miserably because I talked too much gibberish. If I can’t explain something clearly because of psychological distance and an unusually high-urge to close the gap, I naturally force a greater refinement of thought to process. I cause a dictionary to spill into my response.
Ideally, my mission is to transfer ‘meaning’ from one mind to the next with as few words as possible. But when I’m miles away and under immense pressure, I’m only assured of complication!
Regularly spilling Story-Static as the unclear picture from increased processes, or too many words and too little meaning, means I’m at a great distance from everyone.