Stories & Story Static

If the past has taught me anything, it’s by storytelling messages as I was never that good at sending them.

Messages

From what I know of humanity, stories bring people, communities and cultures together. While on the other hand, they can separate them to great lengths as well. Personally, when I get lost in a story it’s usually because of comfort. I’d muster up enough pleasure from a series of crafted wordsimages and symbols that carried just the right mixture, including dashes-of-fear, placed in the perfect parts of the film.

Also, if it’s super-good, I drift off in another dimension altogether. I’d become king with a leading narrative who has thousands or millions of followers at his beck and call.

The pleasant taste from a well-written story can carry on long after the show has played.

But…

It’s when the mix is not quite proportional, containing either too much or too little fear or pleasure that could either turn it boring and I’d move away, or it would get under my skin and I’d contemplate or pickle over it instead.

Here’s what I mean…

An Unusual Suspense

When a story doesn’t end properly or is left outstanding with an element of the unknown, which in this case translates into immense fear, then I stay waiting for a resolution. My mind instinctively thinks on and on in distaste causing unusual levels of bio and neurochemical activity from over-scanning every aspect of life. As a result, I continuously try to find order no matter how long it takes because that is the demand of my disrupted system.

From a place of conflict and disturbance, in and amongst my mental exhaustion dragging things out (part Virgo to blame), I find it’s these background processes staying active that affects my everyday life, and I can’t move on. In short, primal code written eon’s ago got activated. Heavier influences in my previous life triggered my survival system upon key messages, which is something that’s hard to control or turn off.

Why? The activation is there to ensure my safety and continuation, along with my family’s as well. And now, from the aftermath of all the years of continuously vetting the surroundings for dangers, always strategising while pickling in this insecurity, one naturally develops new tastes.

My Hidden Frustrations

Dear Life, I could do with a Brain Scan or an MRI because of these serious long term head & neck pains that I nearly pass out from, due to my anger (I have been mentally killing everyone & everything as part of my inburst!). And can you please hurry before my head explodes… I need a Doctor who won’t put his nose where it doesn’t belong, sign a few docs, and I’ll be on my way.

For years, everyone in my personal life used to carry on about why I was so skinny and that I had to eat more.

These frustrations on top of my issues had almost killed me.

Naturally, I fed them the most straightforward reason even though it was a lie because that’s all anyone knew how to digest. In fact, if it weren’t for my daily lying for years, I wouldn’t have made it thru. White-lying is what saved my life on many occasions, and I thank my God for that.

You don’t need to watch your carbs to stay lean. All you need is the right story, from the right fragmented chain of command, and you naturally watch your back and everyone else’s.

Then you get angry underneath and pickle away in a chaotic system. 😤

Ok, so instead of waiting for a solid resolution or until the story fills in the blanks from somewhere else (hell no!), it’s now my time to gain strength and seize power out the back. I’ve already waited too long, and this built-in demanding process won’t let up until I feel certain and safe. Please know that there are another set of rules governing the background, so my goal now is to fill things out myself.

Shoot a Story Back

Several people made life extra difficult for me over the years when I wasn’t at my best.

Yeah, I was a little rogue back in the day. So what? BIG DEAL! There was a bigger picture, so get over it. The ends justify the means. It happens all the time…

My community was weak, and I made them stronger by exploiting them. It’s a game nature plays so we should be thanking one another!

And although 95% of those several didn’t know the finer details and instead relied on incomplete information, I still put everyone in the one enemy combatant corner, to be dealt with later.

Deep down, I knew that if I wanted to take out bigger numbers since I was bouncing between severe anger and fear meltdowns, then I had to get book-smart. I would also have to take a minimalist approach over a lengthy campaign, especially if I was to get rewarded for my efforts.

Thank God I’m now slowly getting over it for my own sake which is why I’ve finally spat it out!

Was that loud and clear?

In my earlier response to a story or when it came down to delivering a deeper-message back, one driven by a strong sense of urgency, rapid-fire in my thoughts complicated everything, affecting my relationships, both large and small. And it didn’t matter whether these words were written or spoken, as I couldn’t get the damn message out in either way.

Unfortunately, when in this cluttered-state, I can’t help but fly cartwheels and handstands in my sentences, always adding more than what’s needed. In a blink, I would easily clog up both my page AND the space in front (aka my pixelated/distorted reality screen) while transmitting little-to-no real meaning at all.

I’d go Backwards, in Level 1.

So I kept asking myself… Why is this? And, how the heck do I get my flow-on or back while simultaneously laying down the law?

Reducing My Congestion

Story Static indicates a complex set of ideas that were supposed to transmit a feeling or meaning, but I ended up failing miserably because I talked too much gibberish. If I can’t explain something clearly because of psychological distance and an unusually high-urge to close the gap, I naturally force a greater refinement of thought to process. I cause a dictionary to spill in my response.

Ideally, my mission is to transfer ‘meaning’ from one mind to the next with as few words as possible. But when I’m miles away and under immense pressure, I’m only assured of complication!

Regularly spilling Story-Static as the unclear picture from increased processes, or too many words and too little meaning, means I’m at a great distance from everyone.

Lee, wtf are you talking about?

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