I only fool myself by not asking these questions.
Taming in my world definitely came at the cost of a complete meltdown. Or by these massive, crippling dense fragments bred from my ignorance towards the loop between desirable and undesirable experiencing, I wish never to increase again.
Although, even to this day, I still don’t consider myself 100% tamed. It’s more like, I’m somewhat, or semi tamed, in terms of being a good person.
Here’s the thing.
My problems remain as I feel sporadic remnants of an oppressive condition and it’s taking forever to purify these annoying clusters into nothingness or decondition myself once and for all.
I must purify my mind and body to lighten the load; I keep saying.
Or, perhaps, I’ve again invested too much energy into an Opposing Ideal on the backend, in another sneaky fragment, called The Purifier. Influence of this nature deeply urges me to become MUCH BETTER than my current condition, but by using the old habit to conquer everything I see! Although, I now feel a need for discretion in a long term goal.
Create a large and appealing catchment; then destroy everything impure. In time, I, along with my world, will remain pure.
Yes, I’m past the bulk of my problems. But today I’m still experiencing compression between ideas which does frustrate.
Balancing My Worlds – Real & Unreal
Throughout life, up until now, I’ve moved backwards and sideways in my reality, via the level 1 complex. Unfortunately, this epidemic was only ever looked at and dealt with superficially, up until the last few years. Before that, I was mostly, rigid and clumsy when producing outwardly or in the real world. While, inwardly (overthinking), I felt I had everything perfectly crisp. That’s the catch 22 of level 1! 🤦♂️
And my habits weren’t only ‘sometimes’, either, which, might have been ok. But a ‘lack of flow’ from too much thinking ruled almost all aspects of physical life, which I’d compensate by manufacturing a ‘fake flow’ from both my ego and synthetics/refinements/chemicals.
Well, the harder stuff reinforced my unreal world and fed my ego in order to gain an artificial space to combat the compression. This is how a floated through life when I wasn’t stumbling.
My behaviour was driven by an unrealistic future that turned out as nothing more than a byproduct from overloading the sensors
So the next question…
How do I to shift this internal overactivity that’s burning ablaze inside and transfer its energy outwardly, strengthening onto the world?
Instead of running up and down the house like a locked up kid on sugar, I somehow needed to hit the streets — get outdoors.