Fragment Profiles

I could explain the many segments, clusters and zones I live in with each landlord, thereby justifying their existence upon each visit. But I won’t because it’ll take too long and sound to neurotic. Instead, to keep things simple, I’ll stick with unravelling the two categories from the polar extremes.

The narrator in my head can be both stubborn and emotional. So for now, I’ll step away from him as much as I can. Instead, I’ll only report on the distinct negative and positive fluctuations that are miles apart. Yet sometimes they can be closer than I think, as I can jump from one mood to the next, entering a new scene with little to no effort.

First, there are my heavier fragments, and these contain higher than usual pressures and stress. As psychological comforting space retreats from a previous escape and I’m left too close to my problem/challenge again, or if something from the outside pounces in by surprise, my thinking goes into overdrive and things heat up fast.

But as usual, rather than deal with my issues by staying in contact with them, I’m conditioned to re-escape shortly after and worry about them later. I bank on my ‘ignorance’ adding a good buffer to them instead.

The ‘Later Loop’ Explained

Only after intense crawling thru the mind-mud, where time feels amplified and longer than usual, am I able to make my way over to shelter nestled on the other end, aka the Lighter Fragment Oasis. In my recycled relief, I added another cosy layer of Prime Real Estate Space around my centre to feel relaxed, less constricted.

Retreating to a lite zone relievingly offers shielding from the harsher internal reality, or perceived painful world. And even though the loop is always only ever short-lived since I’d travel multiple times an hour, if not minutes at one shaky stage of my life, I’m just happy that for right now, I’m chilled. I’m moving freely without the perception of excess weight holding me down.

Whatever it was, I’ll deal with it later as I substitute the harsher scene with something softer instead.

Only by digging deeper into my issue was I able to discover a strong enough reason to reduce my overall stay in a sanctuary that served me so instantly and momentarily over the years (my lighter fragment frequent stopover). Otherwise, I’d still be there laying alongside the pool right now without this insight. I would keep returning to anything tranquil given half a chance.

Luckily, however, I found a rock-solid reason by uncovering the bigger bite behind ‘short term’. Short term frequent stayovers locked me into a high interest repayment scheme when paying it back.

After clearly seeing two main contrasting zones upstairs, I no longer bother untangling each problem or story from every neighbour closeby, along my bustling, mental street. Instead, I deal with the issues as pressure and relief, and I try not to toggle the valve too fast or hard for a surge since my larger escape hurts in the long run.