Moving Away From the Panel
Instead of trying to resolve the inner turmoil caused by these unreal versions of people in my past, I now can’t help but look at each fixer on my panel as they pop up. From watching the entire show unravel, I have released my fixation on fixing them.
So yeah, I used to try and fix everything about me. But not anymore, or at least not in the traditional sense.
Once truly realising that the fixers were broken, and they couldn’t fix a flat tyre when all the loud-mouthing started, that’s when the real help arrived in my life. Besides using basic common sense when needed (which thankfully did come from the panel), I began to take the backseat approach. This was especially true for the more complicated processes that involved overthinking, like when things heated up really fast.
In essence, I knew that a little space away from all the chatter had to be my best bet, regardless of however magnetic or promising my panel’s strength was or had claimed to be. Surely, a silence would deliver the least problems out of all options in front, especially after considering my odd mind type and its greater sensitivity.
Or, I would now move anyway, except in the direction I had always moved within the status quo, by simply not continuing my usual shenanigans and saving my psychological power instead.
Yet most of my issues probably weren’t too complex to begin with. But for some reason, I made them that way by chattering on and on and on, eventually moving my ideas off-topic in this self-created pitfall. This is when my inner constructive talk soon turned to smack talk.
Given all these points today, I finally see and understand how I had rationalised heavier and heavier mental idling over the years.
I fell in love with and became addicted to… complicating the life out of simple.
The fact is, I have been trying to fix myself for a long time by becoming better from the ideas handed down by everyone (the ideal hand-me-downs). Unaware of all the hidden processes tying things up in the background, I naturally met resistance. Therefore I was bound to hit a tipping point sooner or later, which is why I finally got over it and have decided to report to you today.
I now realise that I’m never going to become better as the idea is a handicap from the get-go. You see, any ideal of better is always this huge leap into complex chained-thought. Which, funnily enough, actually makes me feel a lot better in knowing this. Also, I started getting better in my reality following on from this position. How weird but amazing, I thought. I shouldn’t attempt to construct simplicity anymore. Rather, I only need to release complexity as it arises before me.
And Then, Guess What?
My attitude to concede then went on to lay the foundation to NEVER AGAIN CARE about becoming better anymore because it was all a bunch of unnecessary weight. Which, consequently and thankfully, opened up even more space and gave room for my cluttered-psyche to slow the heck down for once.
Now what an inspiration to share!
You see, I actually didn’t need any more of anyTHING to improve myself. Again, if anything, I needed Less. But I needed a stronger quality of ‘Less’ that is only found in another dimension, by not thinking my way there if that makes proper sense.
By throwing in the towel and not worrying about this becoming-better ideal drilled in earlier, I gradually stretched out in the real world. I was able to reduce the bulk of my baggage in both negative and positive jolts that hammered my system from the panel. In short, I used to go from feeling a strong sense of unworthiness on the one end of the panel, to projecting an unrealistic success that was a mile away on the other end. So the large distance between these opposites finally shrunk and things became more manageable for the first time.
Besides, in simple terms, what does becoming better mean?
- Is it an increase in productivity while decreasing my destructive traits?
- Is it a matter of organising and taming my social and cultural behaviour, so that I nourish my relationships?
- Or, is it all of the above plus creating more compassion in my life? To have extra care for everyone and everything?
Sure, I would love all these qualities. Who on Earth wouldn’t? But my only success so far in getting anywhere close to this outcome is by unwinding from heavier steps taken, not finding better ones to replace them with.
Mindware Section 4
Succeessfuly Installed Into Your Psyche
Not much to go now…
- A New Meaning ✅
- My Identification Complex ✅
- Another Way ✅
- My Commentators ✅
- Being Better (Continue…)