Ending the Illusion

Once riddled with silly thinking, my mind is finally a much healthier, happier version of itself, thank God for that. Although, if I’m honest, sometimes I feel like I’m STILL sweating out my previous beliefs and illusions, which shows just how powerful they once were.

When Reality Served Back a Dose, I Joined the Resistance

After being all caught up in my own silly story, and when life returned a well-packaged surprise inside a psychological crisis over a ledger of misdeeds I couldn’t write off (I basically went nuts from karma), something changed and I forever woke up from the daze. My once backward beliefs that relied too much on sensationalism (and too little on sheer fact), could no longer be maintained. My mind finally imploded from what the world was serving back in negative consequence and I landed in a very uncomfortable state of being. This also made me flip across to a severe opposing view on the destructive nature of modern society, confusing the heck out of everyone as I instantly morphed into an angel with bright wings.

I went from one extreme of ego (a darker, mischievous side) to the other (a lighter, angelic side) and aligned myself within what’s known as the Counterculture or the more upgraded Cancel-culture that we often hear about. This bizarre new style of living that went against nearly all forms of destruction and consumption, I now realise is too far left and impractical. It’s a long story that is hard to piece together, although I’m trying my best to make it happen.

To seclude myself from the world and become riddled in paranoia, taking care not to tread on every bug and critter while boxing myself in a hermit lifestyle, was a recipe for disaster if I were to stay in this state for too long. My very existence inside a human nest demands a certain degree of death and destruction. And a smaller, stronger nest, which in my case is a highly-modern nest, puts on an even higher demand. It undoubtedly includes MORE pressures on my distant neighbours in other lands less modernised.

However, since I was out of sorts, and also brand new to this major polar shifting business taking place in my mind, I thought I could stamp out every destructive trait I held while making myself holy and respectable in the process. Therefore, I clung to this angelic light as much as I possibly could to avoid the pitfalls of a darker, more destructive lifestyle and its inevitable consequences. In a sense, I was a born-again Christian touched by God.

What Does the Word ‘Modern’ Say?

It says a lifestyle of greater space, mobility, and comfort at the cost of blood, sweat and tears from our ancestors (🙏🏼). Although, I’ve only ever lived in the modern world and have no way to compare anything else to it, other than what my programming or idea of non-modernism tells me through various stories and images. Or from what other people have recreated on TV, which also paints an overall picture of the rest of the world.

Cutting My Costs

As a grown-up Virgo (someone who at one stage annoyed the crap out of everyone), there’s no way in hell I’m leaving behind excess/outstanding tabs anymore. Especially since any unreasonable demands for energy and the waste that follows end up there. If I don’t at least acknowledge my activity on the backend when continuing to skyrocket my ideals and beliefs towards the real world, this cost has to be picked up somewhere along the line.

Perhaps it’s behind the door labelled ‘Heaven’ which I now see is the greatest trick of them all. The magical ‘up’ without the ‘down’ to be ever experienced. Hell, if I’m going to kill, destroy or displace some ‘thing’, ‘one’ or ‘animal’ in the name of creativity, tradition, love or survival, then why not at least own it? I could potentially save a hassle down the track by naturally optimising my reality because of what I see, which could also put me on another path with more joy and fewer problems.

What has helped is I’ve asked myself… “Lee, how can you expect your world to evolve when you can’t even see your own destructive hand?”

And now that I’m fully aware of my actions having a rippling effect that travels outside my sheltered reality and towards the non-modern nests, let alone the impact I place on both the Animal and Plant Kingdoms, it only makes sense that the very least I do is consider this as I step through life today.