Back in the day, I would often get all caught up and believe that… “Hey, I’ve hit the timeless!”
When my thoughts massage my perception of reality to a certain point, I reach a high, a spiritual high. Feelings of space and freedom, nowness and enlightenment return, convincing me that something magical, mystical and beyond is once again in the air. Under a spell driven by a surge of god-like pleasure remembered from previous events, perhaps when an understanding of life was passed on by a teacher or guru who had also encouraged me to inflate the idea of it, I can’t help but reenact each of these scenes in order to get my powerful wings back. The potent remembrance comes from a strong influential experience that held far more value when it actually occurred (in real-time), and I endlessly aim to get the same enhanced feelings back. However… the sensations are never quite the same and I find myself forever chasing the Holy Grail.
In my earlier days, I had no interest in understanding at this profound level because I loved riding on whatever waves I could get myself onto. I didn’t worry or bother knowing about any connection to a crash that was bound to occur and dump me straight down to the bottom of the pit which is where even the top of waves end up. At least, regarding the ones I always chased. Being far too involved at the time and only knowing the one ‘up and down’ way of life, any ‘law of opposites’ was totally ignored and it would only show its true colours once I had pushed the envelope too far. So I thank God for the hindsight he has given me today even though it wasn’t always a pleasant ride!
At the Top of the Wave, It Was Great (I Was Great)!
So here I was raised high, almighty, and far too hypnotised to care by the overwhelming force that these inflated ideas (turned into superstitions and rituals) had produced. With invigoration, I stood tall and strong above everyone else, even though it was only for a very brief moment. Then sure enough, as I spiralled back down towards my reality at the bottom of the sensational pit, either minutes, hours, or sometimes days later, I would accept the process of superior-to-inferior as normal activity while quietly contemplating the return to mortality in solitude. Because on my own was the only place I felt comfortable when thinking along the lows.
After a good couple of years of spinning the same old role from godly to mere mortal, back and forth, things finally made more sense, and I was totally fed up with the repetitive comedown! Soon, my godly business was about to end, which, believe it or not, I only have some other god or voice to thank for that! How weird, right?
My Outlook on Life Changed Forever…
It all started with bizarre tweaks inside my head! A series of switches and clicks. Though thankfully, they were one of the healthier shifts in gears that I have experienced over the years. However, the life change that would normally follow such a strong epiphany-based shift, or when my reality and thoughts paired/aligned/synchronised, did so only gradually. That is, all the good karma/energy slowly made its way into my world as I gradually unwound from the godly empire one step at a time. How ironic… to say the least. Letting go of the god-like image gave me god-like strength!
By sharply watching shifts occur at each end of my mind and seeing them interchange ↕, I felt a new ‘ordering of my thoughts’ entering the scene. Rather than following the godly to mere mortal mind race and stumble between two opposing characters, I saw them play out a greater role as they finally merged from this fresh dimension of sight.
As I watched the sun rise in myself, something got in early to prune these rays before they got out of control and flipped the scene (and my character). Slowly, my god-like demands weakened enough to help improve my life.
Saving My Energy