Growing up, I couldn’t help but divide myself into a few characters and flicker between each throughout the day. I might start off by being Mr hero before eventually winding up as the town’s villain, and vice versa, mixing and matching aspects. Fortunately, I now see how this occurred.
My habit of always finding something to imitate, by reanimating both fictional and non-fictional people and characters who were stored in my head, was the result of my exposure to various levels and angles of thoughts coming from influences in every corner of my life. It all started from inputting many people’s different lines of thinking and set ways, as each sectioned themselves into smaller groups, providing their own unique form of influence.
And me being me, who liked to nosey around, I stepped inside each of these worlds to acquaint myself with nature’s diversity. I was rather intrigued at how people were so far apart from each other upstairs. Also, I noticed that some people took many of their thoughts seriously, while others only took a few of them that way. Some were fanatical with their ideas, while others were quite blasé with them.
Not long after exposure, certain traits inevitably rubbed off, and there were now multiple me’s running the show in my world. Each wild subroutine and duplicated program had become much stronger in my mind.
In turn, this led me to living only one way while the camera was on, or while I was in the company of one level of mind. Only to live drastically in another mode when it switched off, or when I came across a different range of influences. I did this because each group thought that the other was strange, and I would have to hide my offending parts.
North had their set ways and so did South, along with East and West. However, since I was young, I wasn’t too fussed with any particular one as I was far too intrigued by the differences and all the background commotion. I shaped with whoever I was near at the time before moving on to the next ground when my time was done. I felt I had spent time in every corner of life.
Finally Owning Up
So I’m a contradiction in nearly every aspect, and yet I find it reasonable under the circumstances. My particular style of living came from an odd interest and an odd mind (from odd genes) coupled with my diverse environment, and I now thank God that I’m able to embrace it. Or at least a good part of me does see the benefits now that I’m down the track.
This ability to schedule and rotate my behaviour turned into Art and became much easier to manoeuvre, only because I now finally care less about how people think since I clearly see that it’s simply a big mixed-up world out there. In the end, there are two types of people who make up this world—a Managed Schizophrenic and a Non-managed Schizophrenic (Greek for ‘split-up mind’). Otherwise, the ‘whole mind’ or a mind without troubles and drama belongs in God’s head.