Going Off the Rails to Get Back On Course

2010 was the start of the end of the world for me. Although in actual fact, it was a lot earlier, but I was enjoying the illusion life afforded me. Finally fed up, society had excommunicated me in the most unconventional fashion through what I call the secret back door. Because of a dilemma that I’ve already spoken about earlier (End of the Line), the front door was a little preoccupied. Again, this period also felt like forever since landing inside a severe Time Compression Field, which I can’t stress enough is a time warp that turns a minute into a much longer frame of time.

Basically, instead of being disciplined in a conventional manner, I became mentally unwell in a matter of days and tripped hard without a clear end date. As a result, I landed in a psychiatric ward in a creepy way because of what I believed to be darker elements involved, which further skyrocketed my broken state of mind into a realm of mass conspiracies.

From what I remember, at the surface layer of this darkness, there was a network of people working behind the scenes to maintain privilege and order in the community. However, these people were also integrated with the community by successfully living between two worlds to get ahead in life. Due to my nosing around at the time, I somehow clashed with the deeper structure of this network and found myself in a pickle with almost everyone.

Talk about a shakeup. It’s only now that I’m more desensitised to the matter, as a whole, and thus able to step back and lay it all out as clear as I can. Still, it’s a tough one to write without going off on a kazillion tangents.

So yeah, during this shift from sane to insane, from walking freely to circling inside a mental health facility, it felt like I was always followed by a dark force, and that I had to be on my best guard or else I was in for trouble. Little did I know at the time that this force was not completely separate from me. In all honesty, I think we all have a dash or so in us, including the pope. Nevertheless, because of the way I had conducted myself in life, there were those on the outside of the ward and a few people on the inside who weren’t going to make it an easy ride. I tried to differentiate the real events from delusion, the poison from water, but it was tough since everything said, seen and heard appeared so real.

In short, I felt that I was finally at the end of the road as everyone around me had immediately turned hostile, even bystanders. Although, even if this was the case, in reality it would be deserved since I was on the rogue side of life during this time.

The general message was… “Lee, there’s no one here to help you anymore. You can only expect bad things to occur from now on”.

Interestingly, I have always come back from a dose of drugs regardless of the concoction back in the day. But definitely not this time… Whatever this was, it had legs… In 2010, I got booted out of Time and Space and landed at the outskirts of reality where I only just managed to grip onto something in arm’s reach (with absolute desperation), which changed my outlook on life forever.

Therefore, this special elixir in my system (or God’s delicacy for me as the better way of putting it) turned my life upside down. Which actually put me right-side up again, since my life had already been upside down from living a backward way. If that makes sense. No one could ever anticipate such a change of mental scenery. What a way to apply discipline! Welcome to the unconventional realm…

In all seriousness, I’m sure I was at the gates of hell when I got issued one last pass to get life right.

Whatever entered my system in 2010 packed a punch I certainly wasn’t ready for.

To put the matter into perspective, over five calendar years (only a small part of which was spent in a psych ward), I experienced a quarter of a century in terms of a time distortion. This is why I’m still out of sync and have trouble communicating as everyone feels miles away today.

Here’s Another Way to Explain It

Stripping back all of life’s stories and filters, I’m now left in outer space…

Outer Space

Oh, crap… I’ve just veered too close to a monster black hole because I’m having so much chaotic fun.

However, instead of being spaghettified, I translate pivotal information at the very last minute. Now I’m slingshotted out on another trajectory at hypervelocity, while another body of mass I was entangled with tears apart.

In other words, my god took the other bad me, or most of him and his trail, as one part of my ‘binary system’ got sucked into the void. Fortunately, he left the healthier one intact for everyone today. Though be warned, a few neutrinos from the other/wild me escaped and still remain alive and well. Think of it as the yin circle in the yang teardrop.

Either way you look at my scenario, I’m just happy that right now my signal is finally freakin’ clear!

Consequently, it’s taken immense mental and emotional effort along with crucial contrasting space (slowing the up & downing over the years) to undo the magnitude of what I got myself into. And even with most of my mess cleared up, this undoing is still underway. I’m still dissolving remnants that I feel tight around my head and neck. This inflammation follows me everywhere.