Rather than continue with the usual happy, refined story temporarily fixing the original sad or angry previous chapter, my new approach instead is to let it all play out anyway without taking any of it too seriously. Why? I’m simply programmed and I couldn’t stop these processes even if I tried, including the part where I take things seriously. I have realised that trying to stop a life-long trait is only feeding/fuelling that trait, helping it to grow even stronger. Whereas, understanding a life-long trait by giving it my fullest attention is something fundamentally different.
This time, under a new light, I could clearly see these total thought movements of mine in action. With greater awareness than ever before, my sensors tuned in to catch wind of the early signals that cause shifts in mental direction. When I know my frown is about turn upside down or if I see myself heading up into the clouds, I now switch modes, moods and states with much more care. I don’t run wild like I used to.
By overseeing the full spectrum of sensations derived from each fragment or story that my mind produced, I was able to tighten my screws in a whole new way, and I slowly got my power back. Beating all the odds, I returned to almost fulltime sanity which brought forward a normal life again (as normal as one can get).
Furthermore, I haven’t entirely disregarded traditional psychology and Mindfulness as that wouldn’t be practical. If anything, I’ve reformed and strengthened these programs to suit my particular cogs. I have tweaked myself and adapted into what I feel the General Mind had missed or overlooked when devising their philosophy.
Consider The Following
Think about a mind having complete oversight and seeing every exquisite detail, i.e., seeing the mental idling up close, which is continual thinking with very few breaks in between. This includes observing the day-to-day psychological actions and reactions that eventually trigger and move human attention in different directions, thereby composing the many states of mind one cycles through. By observing our previously suppressed background, processes that were once taken for granted in life, we are expanding our consciousness. Oh, and if someone told you that this is a fun process, they may be playing with a different version that inflates ideals. This way is more challenging, but the rewards are certinaly worth the wait.
Now that you have been tweaked with a homemade screwdriver, let’s call this overall mental activity ‘Noise’. Get ready for some challenging noise to play out.
The noise in our lives is both a human product and byproduct all rolled into one. Some of it is crucial, but most of it isn’t really necessary, instead being an annoyance if not an actual detriment.’ Unfortunately, there is no real quick fix to help balance the two long term. In fact, the more you try to stop the byproduct side of it with conscious energy, the more it spills over. This is why it takes another approach to minimise the bad side while maximising goodness.
And although it sounds tedious and cumbersome to stay in contact with each mental process at every moment of life, especially regarding the ones deeply rooted below the conscious layer, there really is no going back once I’m activated. Typically, at first, I will condemn myself over and over for traits I don’t like seeing up close. Like a yoyo, I’ll fly up and down, left, right and around sparking all types of responses, emotions and frustrations. But as time goes on, fortunately, the noise slowly and naturally subsides and I find my way to steady ground.
Today, I don’t beat myself up as much over silly habits picked up. Most quirks and idiosyncrasies brought to my fullest attention don’t emotionally register the way that they used to anymore because I’m now aware that I’m simply one of many humans who do the same thing. That is, I react according to my life exposures and these built-in bits and pieces.
Thank God I now take things far less seriously.