Fortunately, Mindlessing is now a lot simpler to understand. It is about seeing my internal pressures mount, which leads to a greater quality beyond conventional psychology that helps lessen or reduce the overactive or anxious aspect (heavy ‘default’ mind) that affects my everyday life.
I’ve essentially allowed a natural balance to air things out over the long run, instead of always trying to STABILISE my ups and downs by churning and burning these picturesque ideas and ideals for short term relief only. Now that I have worked out what they are really all about.
In the past, I relentlessly pulled on the positives since I was without a greater understanding of my lifelong conditioning that circled in highs and lows, sometimes neurotically. But luckily not long after, which was also not long ago, that was all about to change.
So Staying Positive Isn’t Always Healthy?
In my mind… yes, because I often get carried away. An overcompensation comes in, takes over, and I eventually land straight back in the mud again. Because, too much [+] will only strengthen the [-] on the backend, loading up the next round in the chamber, otherwise known as the upcoming problem. As we all know, an upcoming problem can still affect the here and now in a very real way.
Today, I have discovered that the ‘less’ part of the Mindless word is energised from beyond the gates of thought and it implies a deeper understanding of the full mental spectrum. This stands in contrast to traditional/mindful roles which usually rely on positivity in a short story to temporarily massage the heavier mind away.
Once totally realising the fact that I live in a heavily polarised world along with everyone else, it only made sense that these positives I’m talking about were always tied in with the negatives. Sure, I could instantly put on a happy show for everyone when needed and without too much fuss like I was on call. But the reality was, while I was being positive I had trouble holding it. And when it did leave the scene, I would simply want it back and started demanding more of it. I was going round and round in moody circles.
With my attention in a steady orbit around my seasonal circle of drama and illusions in either minutes, hours or sometimes days of looping, years of increased spin in my world created a strong Psycho-Magnetic Presence.
At one stage, I conditioned myself to be an extremist by always demanding a positive jolt, turning into a neurotic person attached to his detached-from-reality stories if that makes sense. I wasn’t moderately or lightly this way, as I wish I had been after getting up from what I consider being mentally KO’d by my own thoughts that struck me on the other end. In fact, I was in way over my head, and in the worst way possible.
“Damn! I’m still too far gone to be saved”, I remember thinking only recently even on the tail end of this debacle. You can ask anyone close to me how out of whack I got over the years as I couldn’t be found. In my world, either I was stuck in the midst of these hardcore positives or negatives, or they were never too far away and were about to sideswipe me.
As the positive fuel in my mind ran dry, an incoming contrast made me feel monotonous for a bit, then uncomfortable before a demand or two crept up and put me in an even worse mood. Then soon after, life had completely flipped the positive scene as negative thoughts engulfed my mind, all while I would try my best to handle it quietly.
The fact was, I’d show the world my positives or an above neutral state, while internalising most of my negatives, day-in and day-out.
So really, I was an out of whack battery finally wanting to flow.