As things came to light and evolved, my life in general needed less and less management. Or management shifted away from the conscious mind which was all that mattered since I didn’t have to think about everything all day!
A Fresh Shift
Fortunately, as the mindless aspect opened its doors and the previous bad rep fell apart, just to put things into perspective it also felt like the traditional mindful realm significantly strengthened following on.
But please don’t get me wrong as I see traditions have their place. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know any stitching on my clothes nor laces in my shoes to get me where I am today (which is further out of my mind). Traditional disciplines, even though many bump heads have undeniably brought a necessary order to billions. Let’s face it… without them, life would be far different.
However, in my particular case with this unorthodox thinking taking over, I knew I had to go beyond what either hadn’t or barely worked before. Because, to truly grasp this newer mindless idea away from its wild-ish infancy and onto something stronger, also away from the conventional world of black and white I tried numerous times to blend into over the years, meant that I had to let go of old habits that were used to feeding a more-ish mind.
In return for my efforts, I bumped into a new hidden life extension/renewing quality. Going beyond the conventional way of thinking was the only thing that saved and replenished my life!
Thank You Level 1 Backwardness… I’m Now Done Thinking Along That Line
So after trying to find my way in this massive machine upstairs and always failing, eventually seizing up and breaking down, I only relaxed and spread my wings once I clearly saw that it wasn’t all my fault. However, a good part of the carnage did come from stupid choices…
These conventional mental health and psychology programs that tried helping were simply developed from a different angle. They came from a general mind perspective in order to help struggling mind’s get back or onto this one firm track. Which, and only after down the road… made perfect sense.
Not only did I end up extremely divided and pickled inside a lost cause, but it also felt like The Help were being extra challenging. I’m running out of options fast, I kept thinking to myself. Social workers, counsellors and doctors… to name a few. These guys had no interest in hearing what was actually on my mind, so it got left out. And in most cases, I would leave a session with more anxiety than when I walked in with because there was never any real connection.
Although, it is definitely a good thing now that I’m down the track after much-needed space.
Damn! I Remember Thinking…
My entire scene and the broken state I’m stuck in is going to be ‘it’ for the rest of my life. I felt physical pressures overwhelming everywhere, mounting, like a disease. For instance, my skin was all leathery and my words weren’t connecting. Therefore, I was as rigid as ever. However, in the very distant part of my mind, I was always conjuring up something. I would always look for any possible opening to exploit… then I would plan and execute my attack.
Since deep down, I knew I was coded-in differently to the herd, I was a little odd but I could also adapt when the time was needed, it was then up to me to devise my own custom screwdriver. If I were to tighten up these bolts once and for all, I’d have to hand society’s book back and go deep-deep inside instead. It’s what led to greener pastures today.
I ultimately kissed their screwdriver & gave it back with a new shine!