As things came to light and evolved, my life in general needed less and less management. Or management shifted away from the conscious mind which was all that mattered since I didn’t have to think about everything all day!

A Fresh Shift

Fortunately, as the mindless aspect opened its doors and the previous bad rep fell apart, just to put things into perspective it also felt like the traditional mindful realm significantly strengthened following on.

But please don’t get me wrong as I see traditions have their place. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know any stitching on my clothes nor laces in my shoes to get me where I am today (which is further out of my mind). Traditional disciplines, even though many bump heads have undeniably brought a necessary order to billions. Let’s face it… without them, life would be far different.

However, in my particular case with this unorthodox thinking taking over, I knew I had to go beyond what either hadn’t or barely worked properly before. Because, to truly grasp this newer mindless idea away from its wild-ish infancy and onto something stronger, also away from the conventional world of black and white I tried numerous times to blend into over the years, meant that I had to let go of old habits that were used to feeding up a more-ish mind.

In return for my outside-the-box efforts, I bumped into a new hidden life extension/renewing quality. Going beyond the conventional way of thinking and opening up a greater order was the only thing that saved and replenished my life!

Thank You Level 1 Backwardness… I’m Now Done Thinking Along That Line

So after trying to find my way in this massive machine upstairs and always failing, eventually seizing up and breaking down, I only relaxed and spread my wings once I clearly saw that it wasn’t all my fault. However, a good part of the mess did come from my stupid choices…

These conventional mental health and psychology programs that tried helping were simply developed from a different angle. They came from a general mind perspective in order to help struggling mind’s get back or onto this one firm track. Which, and only later down the road… made perfect sense.

The collective mind that pulled the tribe through the dark ages couldn’t or wouldn’t recognise anything beyond the linear lens in a new day (in new light). It wouldn’t budge beyond the restraints of black and white that I felt compelled against or out of alignment or sync with when it was applied to my life.

Along the Grey-Area Strip is where I have always lived. It’s my home!

Unfortunately, everything becomes much harder in life when you get pushed against your nature.

Not only did I end up extremely divided and pickled inside a lost cause, but it also felt like ‘The Help’ were being extra challenging.  I’m running out of options fast,  I kept thinking to myself. The social workers, counsellors and doctors… to name a few, had no interest in hearing what was actually on my mind, so most of it got left out. And in nearly all of my sessions or appointments, I would leave with more anxiety than when I walked in because there was never any real connection.

Although, it is definitely a good thing I felt resistance now that I’m down the track after much-needed space to help clarify my thoughts. In all honesty, there was never any chance of connecting at that level.

Damn! I Remember Thinking…

My entire scene and the broken state I’m stuck in is going to be ‘it’ for the rest of my life. I felt physical pressures overwhelming everywhere, spreading like a disease. For instance, my skin was all leathery and my words weren’t connecting. Therefore, I was as rigid as ever. However, in the very distant part of my mind, I was always conjuring up something. I would always look for any possible opening to exploit… then, plan and execute my attack.

Since deep down, I knew I was coded-in differently to the herd, I was a little odd but I could also adapt when the time was needed.  It was then up to me to devise my own custom screwdriver to apply to my life.  If I were to tighten up these bolts once and for all, I’d have to hand our society’s book back and go deep-deep inside instead. It’s the only thing that got me to greener pastures today.

I ultimately kissed their screwdriver & gave it back with a new shine!


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