As things came to light and evolved, my life in general needed less and less management. Or management shifted away from the conscious mind which was all that mattered since I didn’t have to think about everything all-day-long!
A Fresh Shift
Fortunately, as the mindless aspect opened its doors and the previous bad rep fell apart, it also felt like the traditional mindful realm significantly strengthened following on.
Don’t get me wrong, I truly understand that traditions have their place. Otherwise, I may not have many of the things I’ve come to take for granted, such as the clothes that I wear or even the food that I eat. Traditional disciplines, even though many bump heads, have undeniably brought a necessary order to billions of people on the grand scale of things. Without them, I dare say that life would be far different, and not in a good way.
However, in my particular case with this unorthodox thinking built into my genetics, I knew I had to eventually go beyond ideas that had either only barely worked before, or hadn’t worked at all. To truly take this newer mindless idea away from its wild-ish infancy and into something stronger, meant that I had to let go of old habits that were used to feeding up a more-ish mind with addictive ideas and ideals in general. I also had to move away from the conventional world of black and white I tried numerous times to blend into over the years, but had always remained just out of reach.
In return for my outside-the-box optimisation, I bumped into a new hidden life extension/renewing quality that pulled me out of the hole I was in. Going far beyond the conventional way of thinking and opening the door to a greater order was the only thing that saved and replenished my life.
Thank You Level 1 Backwardness… I’m Now Done Thinking Along Your Line!
So after constantly failing to find my way with this massive machine upstairs, eventually causing it to seize up and break down, I only relaxed and spread my wings once I clearly saw that my incompatibility wasn’t all my fault. However, a good part of the mess in my world did come from poor choices…
All of the conventional mental health and psychology programs that tried helping were simply developed from a different angle. Nothing more and nothing less. They came from a general mind perspective in order to help struggling minds get back on this one firm track. Which, and only later down the road… made perfect sense.
The collective mind that pulled the tribe through the ages couldn’t or wouldn’t recognise anything beyond the linear lens in a new day (in new light). It wouldn’t budge beyond the restraints of black and white that I felt compelled against or out of alignment with when trying to apply their philosophy to my life.
Along the Grey-Area Strip is where I have always lived.
It’s my home!
Unfortunately, everything becomes much harder in life when you are pushed against your nature.
Not only did I end up extremely divided and pickled inside a lost cause at the peak of my breakdown, but it also felt like ‘The Help’ were being extra challenging. I could have sworn that many of them wanted to see me fail and get buried under a ton of paperwork, if not soil. “I’m running out of options fast,” I kept thinking to myself. The social workers, counsellors and doctors… to name a few, had really no interest in hearing what was actually on my mind, so most of it got left out. And in nearly all of my sessions, appointments or interactions, I would walk away with more anxiety than I had started with because there was never any real connection between us.
Although, the resistance I felt then has proven beneficial now that I’m down the track, after some much-needed space to help clarify my thoughts. The dark cloud that had hung over my head would also bring life, I later realised. If there’s ever any chance of connecting, now is definitely the time.
Damn! I Remember Thinking…
My entire scene and the broken state I’m stuck in is going to be ‘it’ for the rest of my life. I felt physical pressures overwhelming everywhere, spreading like a disease. For instance, my skin was all leathery and my words weren’t connecting. Therefore, I was as rigid as ever as I morphed into a Zombie who had little respect for himself or life. However, in the very distant part of my mind, I was always conjuring up something. I would always look for any possible opening to exploit… then, plan and execute my attack!
Since deep down, I knew I was coded-in differently to the herd, I was a little odd but I could also adapt when necessary for at least ‘x’ amount of time. It was then up to me to fashion my own custom screwdriver to apply to my life. If I were to tighten up these nuts and bolts once and for all and get back my good skin, I would have to hand our society’s book back and go deep-deep inside instead. In fact, it’s the only reason why I made it to greener pastures today.