My fears always start from either a relationship breakdown or challenge (including, lacking quality information and understanding) or from a bumpy event that scared me.
As a result, I aim to avoid a repeat by using whatever means. Though I usually rely on my habit to escape short term rather than resolve for good.
From the original bumpy experience (negative impression) and its immense magnetism (also felt as gravity/weight), when I see another closely related encounter ahead, I naturally project on possibilities and probabilities at a much faster rate. I run through many scenarios to try and work my way thru the in-my-face obstacle, but end up going around so we don’t meet on this occassion!
Even at the beginning when I think I’ll sincerely fix my issue (in a surging cry for wholesome resolution), as pressures mount, that idea goes out the window (desperation changes my tune!). Instead, I stabilise my mental pains with a short term hit of comfort foods and spacious thoughts, which is how my fears live-on. They only go dormant for a moment or two and soon flare back up.
In my mind, when I again face images, shapes, objects, colours or any mix of symbols and sounds that were involved during the initial fearful experience or recording, I feel it in my gut and automatically explore for formulas to make it go away. But unfortunately, once I hit a certain level or a compressed state, I’ll run with anything that’ll cut it short. I’ll go with anything that’ll help me stay at a distance from pressure, and perhaps, then, I’ll sanely figure it out once and for all. But in reality, I never do.
Today, I’ve realised that if I don’t deal fear, directly, I leave background processes open 24/7 drawing all my energy. And with the garage already full of junk as years of multiple threads stack-up, this heavy idling seriously weighs me down!
Again, Here Is How a Dormant Fear Comes Back to Life
If a symbol or sound pops-up that even remotely corresponds with any of my backlog of fears, then the entire thread awakens its family of thoughts and becomes an extensive foreground process.
Greater resources put a demand on my already weakened psyche which is why wriggle out. The accumulated weight from my many previous escapes took away my natural/neutral ground, the only place I firmly move from.