The Weight of Foreign Influence

Cringe

Let’s say, I observe a distant foreigner moving closeby from my usual bag of prejudices. Now, the words ‘distant’ and ‘foreigner’ when put together fall under an undesirable type of abnormal from my programmed perspective. They add an alarming pressure to my survival system because of unfamiliar traits which may be detrimental.

Immediately, an uncertainty gives off fear and I act cautiously. Usually, I know my surroundings quite well, but not this time. On this occasion, I lack an understanding of the actual background of a person, or in knowing the exact mental composition that puts a particular object together and why… I’m basically having difficulties outlining what these people and symbols represent.

Damn it! Here goes my mind again…

I’m now in defence mode. I see ‘him/her’ or ‘it’ as unpredictable, an unmapped entity or thing that potentially threatens my way. Or according to my beliefs/programming, I see someone or something extreme. When in fact, ‘he/she’ or ‘it’ probably isn’t.

Which also means, the abnormal-version process stays outstanding and never makes it over to the boring-old-normal list, unlike in the reverse scenario when the attraction was strong. Because when there had been an element of appeal, I would happily make contact to the point of exploitation and this resulted in losing the appeal. But when I felt resistance instead, I didn’t make contact and I avoided ‘them’ or ‘it’ by all means possible. So I definitely needed to flip this paradigm around.

Regrettably, such a response only leaves the psychological tap dripping. It is leaking my energy that could be saved and used for essential things.

<End Unable to Release the Negative Charge>

Reflection

Besides, I dare say the same interpretation would stick to the person viewing the telescope back onto me. Surely, since I was bred here on this side and grabbed hold of a certain mixture of both local and broader chemicals made available to me (psychological hand-me-downs, physical stimulants & odd fields), composing me, then this fuel and life which is bizarre to others would naturally go on to rationalise my normal version within my small world. It would also seriously ab-normalise it when putting large distances in between.

Perhaps now, I’m the one who’s far, far from normal when viewed upon by great lengths. As my shape, in particular, ended up the result of a kid who dived headfirst into stimuli (more so than others) after secretly extending his boundaries.

School Teachers, Neighbours and Police All Knew My Bad Behaviour

Disappointingly, an earlier version of me turned into quite the handful and moulded into an extremist of some kind. But it wasn’t in the religious sense. Within the fields of Science and Technology is where I put all of my energy. Except the only problem I had was I became overly cunning and destructive.

Well, in Science, I got obsessed with blowing things up. While in Tech, I enjoyed gaining unauthorised access to various materials and seeing/doing things I shouldn’t. Then as I grew up, my internal voice naturally yelled louder and demanded a bigger bang each day.

Once all these fuels kicked in, that was it…  Nothing would stop me until I’d light myself up! 

Mental explosion


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