Digging My Way Back Out
In over my head, I fell nightmarishly ill in early 2010. No doubt, it was deserving because of the choices I made spanning over a lifetime that called for it. In short and on the backend, I was doped up for toying around with the system. While on the front end, I was simply an addict who took too many drugs and had a major blowout because of it.
In hindsight, my all-in approach was far better than the ‘something else installed for me’. Yet I also felt that I wasn’t supposed to make it this far back to sanity from what was nothing short of an ‘unholy war’ raging in my mind. I’ve always believe that there were larger powers at play.
In early 2010 I landed in a Psych Ward for the first time with mental problems that packed an almighty punch I certainly wasn’t ready for. Sure, I knew I was ‘out-there’ on occasions in life, but this was next level activity I wasn’t used to. I wasn’t used to being surrounded by unstable people all the time. Sneaky people, absolutely yes, all-day long. But not unstable. Also, during the nightmare, I got the feeling that a couple of my watchers wanted me buried even deeper, fully institutionalised and never to come back for causing a stir.
In 2010, I was in the worst shape of my life. Not only could I barely put my words together over a number of months following the episode, but I also found it hard to follow a straight line. Simply existing in this state was tough enough.
Though somehow, I managed to crawl my way out of this hole over the years by sweating out these crippling toxins, taking the pure, nutritional route, one could say. And yet, none of this could ever to be spoken of because it all came from the black top-shelf (the shelf that doesn’t exist from the lab that doesn’t exist.) Any such talk would only send me back to needing more meds and care.
Needless to say, the fact I couldn’t speak of the number one issue affecting my life second by second, physically and mentally, made this ordeal the biggest and most frustrating challenge ever. Hence, the meditative carnage on the inside that has been delivering a steady flow of sweet revenge on some people, and the disturbing angelic alter ego on the outside that moves me in the opposite, compassionate direction with the aim of one day using this power to realise a spiteful dream. Fortunately, for everyone’s sake, including my own, those days of thoughts and rewards are now behind me.
But to give you an example of what I mean for amusement, let’s look at a lifesytyle change that happened in 2015. My lighter side turned vegan or plant-based in an attempt to tread lighter on this planet, while my darker side saw it differently. It saw the opportunity to save up my slaughter credits which would normally get spent on animals, in case they needed to be spent on humans instead. All up, I thought I was on a winner with two birds and one stone. I figured, there has to be a greater order involved here written by the Universe that I negotiate with. Perhaps ‘x’ amount of animals not on my plate will also compensate for ‘1’ human on my plate without any negative blowback, if conditions are met. So I had to keep this idea open and see what the ratio could be.
Who knows? There might even be the possibility of positive returns involved.
So, back to my story and in 2013 the word on the street was I made a dent in the system over a lengthy investigation and comfortable people were now getting edgy about it. Apparently, there was an uptight division going on in the background of my community because I was still putting my nose where it didn’t belong (except it was in much cleaner condition this time). Therefore, “It’s time for you to go,” was the topic of our conversation on this day.
Bottom line, I was told that it would be in my very best interest to pack my bags and ship out of Australia asap. And for what? This commotion was all over a mismanaged trait that I felt cursed with at birth; i.e., putting my nose where it didn’t belong.
Within moments of learning this and finally having a real conversation about my issues for once, a rush of thoughts crippled me with fear. Well, my mind flickered back and forth a few times to a state of nostalgia, but soon got stuck on fear because I knew what was being spelt on either end of my choice. I suddenly began to feel quite vulnerable in the very seat I was sitting in. You see, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders that day (uncertainty, insecurity) and the feeling stayed with me for many years to come. In fact, the moment I left this meeting, I couldn’t step into a normal way of life ever again. I couldn’t take any step without looking around for both dangers and answers.
Not only did everything change as my system went haywire, but I also found it hard to control my reactions, so everything stayed on the low in my personal life. Luckily, however, desperate times call for desperate measures, and in my breakdown was a much needed divine intervention with a new mantra “Shut up and stay quiet!” repeating across my mind. This was when another controller seriously hit the scene and bunkered down in the centre of my psyche. It was a new and potent inner voice (raised from somewhere) who was perhaps my only real saviour in this ordeal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep the most prominent issues of your life to yourself for years? Issues that are obviously rattling your psyche but you need to blame it on something else and spend years constantly lying? Fortunately, that is when my life’s clandestine skills came into play keeping me above board (how ironic, right?). I had definitely bitten off more than I could chew. Untangling myself from this web was now up to me and this ridiculously serious voice taking over my attention.
“I’m doomed”, I also remember eerily thinking at this time of ultimatum. I just got myself out of one type of crazy, only to wind up in another type of crazy by internalising everything at full speed. How the hell am I going to deal with all this? For instance, someone close would say… “Lee, why are you acting up? Why are you so anxious?” And I would have to say some sort of lie to explain why I couldn’t talk properly while I was also clearly sweating it out. Now, times this encounter by hundreds and it was a tough but very deserved time that felt like it went on forever.
Again, luckily, and I mean LUCKILY, this inner voice turned my attention onto different things and changed my behaviour, both short and long term, as nothing else in my life could achieve such results. From all of my experiences (both the good and bad times), including all the nosying around up until this point, it became a tipping point for greener pastures. A new guidance system activated and took my life in another direction, which is why this site is here (Welcome to the Mindless Life v2.0). Otherwise, I would be in a much worse off state today. Now, do you see why the name ‘Mindless’ is the perfect solution to my world?
Wait up… You are probably wondering how a few words on a random day can possibly control my life.
Ok, they did come with a few more… (there’s always more!)
Basically, I was given a billion reasons to pack my bag that week and move offshore, far out of the reach of the Authorities. As crazy as it sounds, I took it seriously because of everything that led up to this day.
“Pick a place with minimal infrastructure and funds will be arranged for you on the other end. Lee, you need to do this because your very existence is creating problems for us on the books.” Also, “The system doesn’t like to be broken,” which was a memorable quote said on that day. “On top, the house is willing to credit you a small number of revenge chips to use on your past down the track, once you do the right thing and this mess is cleaned up. Whatever bad blood you have with anyone, we can help you by making them pay, slowly and painfully.”
But wait… there was more enticement (excluding the slowly and painfully part as I’m more for a carnage-free, abracadabra kill), including talk of Life Extension Technology.
“As an added bonus that comes with staying well-managed on the Darkside, you may possibly gain access to the latest Life Extension Technology reserved for only a small group of people.” Now, as crazy as this sounds, I couldn’t help but take it seriously based on my experiences, including one’s when reality sort of briefly broke down on me. Yet after a good think about what this could really entail over the years, I realised that there might be a few hidden surprises tied up in it as well. (Do you see what I mean? I can’t stop putting my God-forsaken nose into things.)
None of it ended up mattering anyway at the deeper level because it was all too much for me and had messed with my head. When the follow-up phone call came in the next day, I said the answer is no, so don’t call me again. Straight away, I was buckled in fear with ongoing nervous breakdowns because I didn’t know what this had spelt for myself and the people I care about. And yeah, there were a few nudges to try and get me to change my mind along the way, but something else inside me had its own plan.
A punishment of continuously ‘vetting my surroundings’ took over my life from 2013, taking copious amounts of energy. No matter where I walked from this point on, I was tiptoeing in somebody else’s house as far as my mind was concerned.
But how could I take such out-there ideas so seriously?
I was primed with information that could only come from the intelligence community. They knew exactly what buttons to press, and they were pressed. Otherwise, this would have been done and dusted by now, and I wouldn’t have bothered creating a Mindless network.
How I See Everything Today
People run their life from a fairly even perspective. I simply run mine from an odd perspective that has had a taste of pure insanity along the way.
Also, if it weren’t for my tendency to always scan ahead, perhaps I would’ve chosen another route and life would be far different for me today. Perhaps, I would have jumped on a plane and lined my back pocket, lived lavishly for a few blinks while also indulging in the bad blood of the past . Fortunately, I didn’t take that route of ending up in a much bigger hell. Why would I want Life Extension Technology down there when I can sort my own LET out up here?
What route am I on now?
Jump to now and I can happily tell you that I’ve earned my way back to freedom by making my own deal with the Universe. The Universe says that it’s now my house and to simply keep looking after it the way I have been.