When it comes to my transparency and any agenda behind the scenes, I’m only further distancing myself from everybody by not taking the pair seriously, as influences from my previous life have still left me in a pickle. Until I feel that this is fully resolved, I’ll keep hunting my mind for mechanisms of control to apply to the outside world.
Taming in my world definitely came at the cost of a complete meltdown. It only arrived after experiencing a massive build-up of conflict from all the overthinking and underperforming that forced unconventional help into my life. This unwholesome pressure, which divided my mind into uneven mental clusters, and ultimately very different personas, thrived because of my ignorance towards the endless loop of desirable and undesirable experiencing that I was always caught up in. Fortunately, since I have now found my balance in between, I can confidently tell you that I’ll never spin too far out of control in that loop again and live in an untamed space.
But even to this day, I still wouldn’t consider myself 100% tamed in terms of rational thinking and behaving seen by the outside world. It’s more like I’m mostly tamed, having a few weak spots that show up every now and then. Nine times out of ten I’m a better person with a reasonably sharp mind compared to the defects I had to deal with not long ago. While the other ten per cent of the time, it would be fair to say you can see a problem or two coming from within me.
Internally speaking, I’m still troubled by sporadic remnants of an oppressive condition, and it’s taking forever to purify these annoying clusters into nothingness, hoping to recondition, reform or perhaps even reunite myself once and for all. I can filter most of the remnants out from appearing to those around me, but not all of it completely all the time.
“I must purify the mind and body to lighten my load,” I keep saying in a Virgo Way. This is all while I consider forming a robust, New-Age Purification Task Force to deal with toxic remnants within the community as well.
Or perhaps I once again simply invested too much energy into an Opposing Ideal in another sneaky fragment of my mind called ‘The Purifier’. The influence of this burning or fierce nature deeply urges me and my surroundings to become MUCH BETTER than the current condition, but by using the old habit to conquer everything I see in the way with a level of impunity. This is where an agenda comes into play.
However, today I’m inclined to take a practical New-Age, carnage-free approach conducted quietly as part of a long term plan. If I don’t want carnage to play a role in my life or those who I care about, then I need to be a pro and think properly as it can be easy to get wound up in this sort of energy. The first call of order is to not get led astray by any strong impulses and overreactions from my ideals by understanding that there are many different viewpoints on events that take place on our planet. I might not like what transpires somewhere, but if I see a reason why it happens, I’ll be less triggered and likely act with more common sense and compassion.
An unrealistic but convenient example of a carnage-free approach to fixing the world’s problems is to ultimately transfer the majority of humans into stasis chambers that require minimal energy, so they can have an extravagant virtual reality without knowing any difference to physical reality. Make them King or Queen so they don’t have many dramas to contend with. Consumption and waste on Earth will be optimal, but the perception of experience will vastly outweigh what would otherwise be a very small and limited existence. Think of Matrix, but without all the drama of people complaining and escaping.
So to answer my questions about being tamed and transparent, only time will tell. Although, I’m sure this is another step closer.