Since I once found it difficult to understand things that others would usually breeze through, I had to write this. It’s time to close the gap between unconventional and traditional ways of learning/absorbing, and not immediately try to force more information through everyone’s processing unit.
When I first see how things or aspects of interest are put together, by watching the relationship between processes, I come to an understanding or a knowing. The feeling it gives is that something internal is unlocked and broadened, or an insight strengthens thru a sense of expansion and superiority. Rushing in is a wave of overall satisfaction from experiencing an intense meaning of something interesting for the first time.
Ah, yes… Stimulation that destroys the barriers surrounding my small limited and inferior self.
Till one or two minutes later…
Losing Picture Quality
Although I naturally store records of all played events, and have the ability to rebroadcast them for whatever reasons, I find that nowadays I’m less inclined to return to the library once I’ve understood something properly. I also learnt that these Picture & Audio on-demand files don’t get any clearer by continually grabbing hold of them in my habit to replay every scenario.
You see, whenever I jammed on the ‘repeat’ switch by glueing myself to the screen in my mind, which at one stage was ‘the norm’ as I couldn’t detach from the drawing board no matter how hard I’d try, that’s when I became most susceptible to a distortion taking over. My perception of the task, project or challenge at hand could easily mix things up, throwing the entire line of understanding whatever I’m looking at totally out of whack.
Craving That Mental High Reduced My Ability to Learn
Let’s say I felt I had overlooked an important lesson in an earlier experience. Or perhaps I had missed important details of a past event by skimming over information too quickly, or by reviewing a poor recording. Naturally, the next time I try to recall information from this scene, I’d grab even harder into my memory, desperately looking for any missing parts to make it all fit into one complete understanding. But was the first or original experience in fact perfect, and I was simply trying to make the feeling from the replay match the feeling from the original? This was when I knew that there was more to it than just learning for learning’s sake.
My ulterior motive was to re-experience the same sensations triggered by the initial insight that had ‘set the bar’ for the emotional high that had spiked my system the first time around. In other words, I needed to get my hit back while also hoping to gain something extraordinary in terms of the way I would perform in the future.
I’ve spent much of my life re-examining the mental slides that I wanted to either extend, expand or learn even more from in the aim of moving forward. But in reality, my obsession with the learning process had significantly held me back.
You see, nothing ever measured up quite like the original experience or the first rush of sensation that poured into my mind from something deemed ‘super interesting’, and I’d barely learn anything beyond because of it. So was I missing something important here? Naturally, this kept me wondering…
What’s Really Going in My Psychology?
Am I simply attached to these near-duplicate greater understanding sensations while thinking something of value got left out during the live recording of the lesson, and I simply need to dig further into it?
Should I keep hunting and extracting MORE of this knowing/feeling (explosive insight/meaning material) in the hope of unlocking the next piece of the puzzle (and MORE meaning), as I’m able to quickly and easily cash in on ‘repeat stimulation’ by cloning the event in my mind?
Or am I keeping myself from actually learning, adding an extra delay to any potential revelation by distorting whatever’s in front with a filter that isn’t serving my best interest?
These were questions of high priority. I had to know if I was doing myself more harm than good with current thoughts of how to learn. Except, would I ever really get to the bottom of it with the way things stand now, being up against a very powerful lifelong force?